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Loving Memories: The Grieving Process

Critters.com forum is a place to share thoughts and feelings and support each other during such difficult times.

We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals.
-Immanual Kant.

 

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01-27-2008 11:06 AM -- By: Jeanne,    Critters.com memorial:   Holly Memorial
Hi Annette, I also had to go through my birthday with out my Holly. It was just terrible. Not only was it hard going through the day. But I turned 40 yrs too. My family came up and it was very hard keeping a smile on my face. Don't get me wrong, I was happy to see my family. But, the whole in my heart was screaming at my insides all day. Every day was a gift with Holly. So when she wasn't there in body as my special gift it was hard!

Happy Belated Birthday Annette!!!

01-26-2008 10:20 PM -- By: Annette,    Critters.com memorial:   Stimpy Memorial
Hey everyone! I was hoping for some helpful advice. Today happens to be my birthday. It's the first one I had to celebrate without my baby boy, Stimpy, here with me. Bittersweet, as you can imagine, since I don't really feel like celebrating much. But I try to keep a happy face for my family's sake. Well, I was just wondering if anyone else had the same feelings when their birthdays arrived and how did you handle it. It would be good to hear everyone else's experiences. OK well, thanks for listening. Hope to hear from you all soon. Take Care new friends and stay strong!

01-26-2008 7:42 AM -- By: Amber,    Critters.com memorial:   Nvwati Memorial
Sorrow fills a barren space; you close your eyes and see my face and think of times I made you laugh, the love we shared, the bond we had,

the special way I needed you - the friendship shared by just we two. The day's too quiet, the world seems older, the wind blows now a little colder.

You gaze into the empty air and look for me, but I'm not there - I'm in heaven and I watch you, and I see the world around you too.

I see little souls wearing fur, souls who bark and souls who purr born unwanted and unloved - I see all this and more above -

I watch them suffer, I see them cry, I see them lost, I watch them die. I see unwanted thousands born - and when they die, nobody mourns.

These little souls wearing fur (Some who bark and some who purr) are castaways who - unlike me - will never know love or security.

A few short months they starve and roam, Or caged in shelters - no one takes home. They're special too (furballs of pleasure), filled with love and each one, a treasure.

My pain and suffering came to an end, so don't cry for me, my person, my friend.

But think of the living -those souls with fur (some who bark and some who purr) - And though our bond can't be broken apart, make room for another in your home and your heart.

--- Caro Schubert-James ---

In memorium of thoes in our families that make it to the other side before we do ( Our comfort should be in knowing that there waiting for us. )with a stick or ball to play fetch for eternity. where neither will tire.

01-25-2008 4:51 PM -- By: Maria ,    Critters.com memorial:   Stacey Memorial
It has been a month and a half now since Stacey has been gone. I still haver her collars right by bed. Same with her blanket that she slept on. I still think about her everyday. I wish that she was able to run around with me again.

Wednesday January 30th will be Stacy first birthday. And she will be spending it over at rainbow bridge with her friends.

01-24-2008 11:38 PM -- By: Leigh,    Critters.com memorial:   Little Bit Memorial
That was a really nice read, Lisa. Its one and a half weeks now since I lost my Little Bitty , my pain is still intense. I have stopped crying ALL day now but I break down alot during the day. I hope it gets better as you all say, right now it doesnt seem like it though. I am surprised though also that I have been recieving sympathy cards in the mail from people I never would of suspected would acknowledge this type of loss. That has helped ALOT and everyone here has been such a wonderful help to me. I cant even begin to tell those of you who have written and visited Little Bits memorial how much help you have been to me. I want to say Thank you to everyone here and Please visit Bitty's site often to help me keep her site alive. It means so much. Lisa, I will think of your words often, they are very meaningful.

Kathy, I understand totally as all of us have gone or are going thru the same along with you. Your Murphy was a special boy and he knows you will never forget him. You keep talking about him too, it helps you heal. It does me . I felt a little better too once we brought Bittys remains home , and if getting another puppy is what you need right now, you go do it. Only you know what is right for you and I almost envy you . I cant do that yet but maybe in time.

God Bless you all.


01-24-2008 8:24 PM -- By: Kathy,    Critters.com memorial:   Murphy Memorial
Tomorrow it will be one week since i lost my Murphy, I still can't believe he's gone, and find myself coming home from work, and opening the the door and saying " Hi baby, I'm home", and looking for him lying on the couch, even though I know he won't be there. Yesterday we got a message from the vet saying "Murphy has arrived back at the office". We picked up his ashes, which were in a nice tin, with a sympathy card, and rose, and the clay cast of his footprint with his name on it. We are going to see if our friend who does beautiful woodworking, will make us a box to put the ashes in. I will say that it has gotten a little easier, the worst times as far as me breaking down were when I went back to work, and all my friends, who knew that Murphy was my life, because I would talk about him constantly, knew about Murph's death and all gave me hugs of comfort and words of condolance, and even cards. It's funny, I didn't think many would understand my grief, but alot of them have pets to whom they are greatly attached, though probably not to the extent I was. Well, I have somewhat of a sense of peace now that Murphy is back home, and Saturday we are going to go look at some puppies. The human mom has sent me pictures of both the mother and father, and also of a sister from a previos litter. The sister looks alot like my Murphy, as does the mother, except for a lot skinnier. The father is a lot lighter in coloring, but both are beautiful dogs! We can't decide if we want a boy or a girl, or a light colored, or more golden reddish color. There are 11 puppies, and my husband says we should just go there and see which pup picks us. I told my husband we should get two, a light and a darker colored one, but I don't think I convinced him! I am excited to be getting a new baby, but also sad to think that my Murphy can't be here to welcome his new brother or sister. I know that he will be here in spirit, and in my heart. I never thought that when Murphy died I would get a new boy or girl so fast, but since we decided to get a new pup, some of the heaviness has lifted from my heart, and I was able to stop crying non-stop. I think everyone has to deal with their grief in their own way, but for me, I think having a new baby to love is the way to honor my Murphy's memory. I love you baby!

Kathy

01-24-2008 6:35 PM -- By: Cheri (Coco's Mom),    Critters.com memorial:   Coco Memorial
Beautiful, comforting words, Lisa. Thank you.

01-24-2008 3:12 PM -- By: Lisa,    Critters.com memorial:   Samantha Melissa Memorial
Hello all ,My prayers and heart go out to each of you .We all have in common two very important things ,the sharing of the joy and fun ,,memories and wonderful lives spent with our little kids with fur. Each of our "Kids" were precious and amazing in our eyes , they warmed and filled our hearts with the purest of unconditional love .They taught us that love and kindness ,time spent and moments shared are truly the priority of this life . So often we are distracted and busy with the demands that every day live brings but i believe God was lovingly showing us thru this wonderful pets ,so many lasting lessons and "Important invaluable things....Smile.

The second thing we share is the commonaility of Loss....We know each other grief , hurt , pain , moments of utter sadness ....for these kids of our filled a void that few other things can..We have this understanding of love and loss in common. and even as we have this common thread our lives and stories are so veryt unquiqe and differant. Our pets now reside in the place of peace and love where there every need and desire is met . There only missing one thing ...Us ..just as we are missing them. But as we remember and share are stories and share this grief and pain. Know that you are not alone ,and that these emotions and hurt with time and prayer and the sharing you are doing will help you find your way thru to tomarrow and each day beyond ... If you pets could speak just one thing to you ...i Know they would say ..Thank you for every belly rub,,every bone ,,every night you made sure i was provided for with dignity , kindness and love. Thank you to each one of you who gave so unselfishly , to their kids...

Every day i remember my Samantha- Melissa Perhaps thru a song ,or a season, ,watching another dog romp and play ,and at times even in the silence...But i remember the moments i was blessed to have her and in that she has a legacy of the most tender and sweetness kind.

Stop by her site , share with me her life and memories she will bless you and make you smile ...Samantha-Melissa Memorial

To all a warm and compassionate hug and smile ...

My prayers and thoughts for healing and peace are with you ...

May the memories you have and made keep you company and make you laugh and smile....

With Warmth....Lisa Little

01-24-2008 2:57 PM -- By: Amber,    Critters.com memorial:   Nvwati Memorial
Thank you those of you who have signed Nvwati's guestbook or sent me emails recently. It means the world to me. Daily I read over his Memorial and tell myself I have not shown his whole being in his Memorial. Once I am feeling a bit better I hope to spend more time adding more memories, etc. I want the world to know what an amazing boy he was! I don't feel that I have done him justice yet so I hope to do something about that. It's funny eh how life goes on? Throughout this grief I am dealing with some serious health issues, trying to rest as much as I can, working on getting a manuscript together for my editor and fighting with my computer who crashed on me and now I need to dig out a product key for my word programme or my manuscript goes nowhere. Danged thing came with the computer so if there was a product key for this programme anywhere it went out in the trash GRRrrrrrrrrrr. Even writing the manuscript reminds me of my boy. I would lay with him and read what I wrote and ask him if it was reading ok. He and I would spend hours just laying together talking. I sure miss this. What I wouldnt give for one more day of attitude from him, one more butterfly kissy, one more snuggle in bed for a few minutes until he decided he was too hot to snuggle any more lol.


01-24-2008 10:09 AM -- By: Amber,    Critters.com memorial:   Nvwati Memorial
OOps sorry Richard. Still, I am sorry you lost him too :(

01-24-2008 8:46 AM -- By: Amber,    Critters.com memorial:   Nvwati Memorial
Tomorrow will mark 4 months since I had to say goodbye to my sweet boy. Saturday is Yukon Jack's 10th birthday. Nvwati died at age 10 1/2 and I am so greatful that Yukon is still so puppyish but I still can't help but worry that he may not have many years left. Nvwati, after all had never been sick yet died of a massive heart attack. I find myself often sitting holding Nvwati's urn close to my heart and speaking to him, telling him how very much he was loved (As if he doesnt know! LOL) and how much I miss him. Mkwaa too, perks her little ears whenever his name is mentioned. Last night we sat together holding Nvwati's urn and as I was talking about him, she let out little whimpering noises as if to say she misses her brother too. When will this hurting go away?

01-23-2008 6:10 PM -- By: Richard,    Critters.com memorial:   Dollie Memorial
Amber, thank you for dropping by. Actually, Jake passed away one year ago today. I suppose that he had to go home first to prepair a place for his little sister, Dollie. Thank you again. richard

01-23-2008 5:53 PM -- By: Amber,    Critters.com memorial:   Nvwati Memorial
Richard I am soo sorry to hear that you lost your sweet little Jake today. What a sweetie he was.

01-23-2008 3:51 PM -- By: bug..;),    Critters.com memorial:   Dollie Memorial
Hey ya'll. When you get a spare minute, stop by my memorial site and look at the new page my daddy created for my brothers. (My Boiz..;) Page) My oldest brother, Jake, he's with me here in Heaven. But I'm sure glad that dad still has Snowball and Zeb to keep him company. Well, take care, chillin'. I love you all so much. bug..;)

01-23-2008 9:02 AM -- By: Lauvern,    Critters.com memorial:   Luke Memorial
AunteeMz. By your comments,i see Wiley is making you smile again. That is great.Somehow these fur babies know how to do that,even at our saddest times.I bet your girls are proud of you for adopting a new baby and giving Wiley the love you gave them.I am also finding myself being able to smile again since i got another baby, Tyson.You can't help but laugh at these pups personalities.Even though i know i will never forget or replace my Luke,i have alot of room left in my heart for fur babies.I know Luke had a paw in me getting my new Tyson.I guess he wanted me to give another baby a home such as he had. I hope Wiley keeps making you smile and lives a nice long life with you. Hugs

01-22-2008 11:06 PM -- By: AunteeMz,    Critters.com memorial:   Cinderella and ToTo Memorial
Out of the blue today My Girls - Mz Cindy and ToTo, my fur babies for twenty years, were so much on my mind. Maybe it is the snow or cold - they both so much enjoyed being in it with their Aspen ski jackets. Styling!!!! - So I come here to see what and how my "Critters family" is doing. Just want you to know this is a place for healing and that you never stop loving or missing your fur babies.

The newly bereaved posts break my heart, and the replies affirming their grief and feelings are so much what we all have in common. Me too in regards to how I grieved for my Mom's passing versus the intensity of my emotions for My Girls. I felt I needed to keep apologizing to my family.

I am so delighted My Girls, even on the Rainbow Bridge, do what they have always done - look out for me. By bringing Wiley, the needy rescue puppy, into my life; I am able to still cry for their loss, but now do a lot more laughing. His presence makes me more aware of My Girls. I'm not good at explaining this - but when I have joy with his being here- My thoughts and gratitude are with The Girls for bringing Wiley into my life. I have laughter and joy in my heart again. Thought with The Girls passing it was gone for good.

I am in my sixties, so I was looking for an older critter to share these retirement years with. Turns out Wiley is a puppy, so I now have to take better care of myself so he doesn't have to worry about his future. I can't imagine not hearing the pitter patter of little paws - I so missed that - hope those thinking it is somehow disrespectful or not loyal for bringing another fur critter into their life- I believe it shows just how much you truly treasured and loved them.

I asked My Girls to send me "the one". They did, earlier then I thought would happen. Even those I work with say how lucky I am to have Wiley. It's his personality, attitude and smartness. He wins them over. He makes us all smile and laugh. From the bosses to us workers, he is welcome and they via for his attention.

After twenty years of "The Girls" I'm still adjusting to "Good Boy" and have to apologies and reinforce I know he is a manly dog. Thank goodness he is very forgiving.

I am closing with when you are ready to bring another fur baby into your life, please, please consider those needing rescuing. Wiley was one of three puppies abandoned in the Wyoming wilderness to fend for themselves. A puppy, for goodness sake. He was close to death when he was live trapped. Eating hay, grass, bugs and you don't want to know. His pictures bring tears to your eyes. He and the others were in terrible condition and so close to death- his gums where white meaning not much longer for this world.

Please think about adopting these fur babies needing the love and care from someone as loving as you are. If you too miss the pitter patter of paws, and those pleading little eyes, look to adopting a critter needing rescuing. They are incredibly loyal. They seem to know they are being rescued. I found Wiley at Pet Pals Inc a dot org website. There are lots of pictures and stories of those needing a home. It's a truly non profit no kill shelter out of Wyoming. They got them big and small (The purebred Yorkie and Dorkie puppies are so cute!) Or, there is a shelter near you.

Listen to your heart. When you love as deeply as we do, there will be a time ....I think of you all with loving thoughts and prayers ...

01-22-2008 10:51 PM -- By: Carolyn Davidson,    Pet's name:   Sasha-Bug
Late November last year (2007) found my exhubby running into the house and saying "honey come look at Sasha there is something wrong with her." I slipped into my shoes and ran outside with him to find little Sasha staggering around, leaning to the left circling to the left, unable to see and having small ciesures. By the time that we found an E vet that would treat her, Shash's temp had spiked too high to be read. Her ciesures were worse and sadly she was in pain. The vet took on look at me and asked that I step out of the room because I was shaking so bad. A moment later my ex came out and said that the vet wanted me in the exam room. I walked into the room and he looked at me with sad eyes and said "I'm sorry but her condition just went from possible to morbid. I wish that there was something I could do for her but there is nothing I can do she has distemper and her brain is fried." He gave her two shots one to stop her ciesures and the other was the one that stopped her heart. I will never forget the fact that the vet told us that she didnt know we were there nor did she care. Her brain was gone and she was dying. I petted her face and spoke her name as he did the shot that stopped her heart telling us that in 10 - 15 seconds she would be gone. It took only 5 seconds. I whispered to her that I loved her and that I was sorry. She looked at me blinked then tipped her head back took a deep breath tipped her head forward again and let out the breath and was gone. We took her remains home with us and laid her to rest in my moms yard where she will never be dug up. For days after Sash's death her brother Cloud Dancer lost intrest in playing and even eating because they had been so close to each other since they were newborn puppies. Now Cloud is no longer morning her as badly as before but he still sleeps with her food dish in his dog house. She would eat her food and then try to get him to play with her by offering him her food dish he would steal it from her and hide it every day. I just hope that Sash understood that what we did was because we loved her enough to not want to see her suffer anymore.

01-22-2008 9:49 PM -- By: Leigh,    Critters.com memorial:   Little Bit Memorial
Cheryl, Oh absolutely Tippie knew you were with her and she felt your loving touchs as she left this world for a better place. I know how you feel, The vets assistant took hold of my baby from me and put her in a hold that no dog could escape if they tried. I was furious and hurt and baby was in no condition to struggle and they scared her! I have to live with that the rest of my life. She did let go and I hugged, kissed and whispered in her ears how much I loved her but I will never forgive the assistent for scaring my baby. That was MY worst fear, I wanted her to be relaxed and comfortable as best she could. Not frightened. Little Bit did settle down but I think it was because of the medicine. Tippie felt safe and so good in your arms , you made her journey so much easier for her. SHE KNEW YOU WERE WITH HER ALL THE WAY , Dear. And a large part of your heart went with her forever. You know that. (((Hugs)))

01-22-2008 7:57 PM -- By: Tracie Lil Joe's Mommy,    Critters.com memorial:   Lil Joe Memorial
Cheryl, I agree with Amber Tippie new you were with her to the end here on earth, now her journey begins in Heaven, where someday you will reunite with your sweet baby, but until that day hold the wonderful memories close to your heart for Tippie will always live on with in your heart. Hugs to you...

01-22-2008 5:32 PM -- By: Amber,    Critters.com memorial:   Nvwati Memorial
Cheryl it reallllllllllllllllly doesn't matter. Your sweet Tippie knew you were with her to the end and that you did not leave her side. Studies show that people in coma can still hear things so I strongly believe that while in her sleep state she could hear you and she could definetely FEEL your love and you there with her. I am soooo sorry for your loss. Tippie GOT her "one more goodbye" from you and heard you. I BELIEVE THIS.

01-22-2008 2:40 PM -- By: Cheryl,    Critters.com memorial:   Tippie Memorial
Tippie - my beautiful little girl....I had to put you to sleep today. I held you in my arms in the vet's office and told you how much I love you and kissed you over and over and said good-bye. The vet came in and told me she would first inject Tippie with something to put her into a sleep state and after that, inject her with the stuff that would put her down. I was listening to the vet and looked down and Tippie was already in the sleep state without my saying good-bye one more time. I am obsessing over this detail and need someone to tell me that it really doesn't matter. That she didn't need one more good-bye.

01-22-2008 1:27 PM -- By: dollie,    Critters.com memorial:   Dollie Memorial
...two hundred and fourteen days... i miss my little gurl..;(

01-22-2008 8:47 AM -- By: Amber,    Critters.com memorial:   Nvwati Memorial
Cheri Yes hon I check each message before it gets posted because of some nasty stuff sent to Nvwati's guestbook a while back. Will go check now.

01-22-2008 8:46 AM -- By: Amber,    Critters.com memorial:   Nvwati Memorial
Kathy, A new dog came into my life about three weeks after my beloved Nvwati passed away. I was not looking for another furbaby, but fate led Yukon to us. My other dog, Mkwaa, was grieving so badly for her brother that she stopped eating, was not interested in playing, etc. and I was so concerned about her health. She already has other health issues. Then I heard of a man who was in dire need of a home for his furbaby. After much conversation I agreed to take his dog for a weekend to see how it went. Towards the end of the conversation I asked what color/breed his dog was and was told a red and white siberian husky! LOL I am convinced that Yukon Jack was "Nvwati sent". He has been with us for almost 3 months now and it is working out great. Yukon is his own person. does things when and how he likes ( A Siberian Husky trait) and is nothing like my Nvwati was but is sweet in his own way. He will be 10 in January ( a concern of mine at first ) but is so puppyish! Over time he and I will develop our own memories. Good luck!

01-21-2008 9:34 PM -- By: Cheri (Coco's Mom),    Critters.com memorial:   Coco Memorial
I agree. It's a very personal thing. You have to decide what is best for you. I have been contemplating getting another baby, but I haven't gathered up the courage to do it yet. I envy those who have been able to do it because these little ones bring so much happiness to a home. I miss having a little one here. Kathy, if you feel that this is what you need to heal, then you should do it. Good luck on finding a new baby. Murphy will lead you to the right one. He is always with you.

01-21-2008 8:54 PM -- By: Tracie Lil Joe's Mommy,    Critters.com memorial:   Lil Joe Memorial
Kathy, I think that is Great, You are right we do have alot of Love to give and you have to do what is best for you and what better way to do that then to Honor your Murphy by getting a new baby. Your right never to replace Murphy, because that can never happen, but it will help you heal, I know I would have been lost with out my other two to keep me company, and yes I would have gotten another just because I do have alot of Love to give and there are so many babies out there that need love. We all have to deal with are healing in our own ways and so I'm so happy for you and I think Murphy would be happy that his Mommy is able to open up your heart and let a baby help you heal, I know Murphy will Always Hold A Very Big Piece Of Your Heart, he will Always live on in your Heart and continue to watch over you. I'm so Happy For You... I don't think your crazy, You have to do what your heart is telling you to do and only you know that... I'll be Thinking about you.. Hugs Tracie

01-21-2008 4:58 PM -- By: Kathy,    Critters.com memorial:   Murphy Memorial
Hi, I just want to thank you all for visiting my Murphy's memorial page and saying such lovely things about him, and the great words of wisdom from you all who have gone through this. Yesterday I was still a basket case all day, unable to eat or get rid of the sick feeling that seemed to enter my body on Friday as we were driving away from the vet. My husband had been gone, when he walked in the door he looked at me and said, "do you want to get another golden puppy?", and without hesitation I said YES. I was immediatly on a quest to find a puppy, and spent quite a while on the computer looking. I called a couple of places today, and we are going to look at some next Saturday. I can't ever replace my Murph, but we thought maybe we could get a little girl baby this time. Now the question, Do you think I am crazy to get a new puppy so soon? I just feel that I have all this love to give, and now there is no Murphy to give it to, so do you think it's too soon? The puppies we are going to look at would be able to come home Feb.5th, or possibly a little before. I would appreciate any feedback from anyone who has gone through this.

01-21-2008 2:03 PM -- By: Cheri (Coco's Mom),    Critters.com memorial:   Coco Memorial
Amber, are you checking the entries to Nvwati's guestbook before posting them? I can't get mine to go through.

01-20-2008 10:28 PM -- By: Amber,    Critters.com memorial:   Nvwati Memorial
Pam I too waited a month before having Nvwati's Celebration of Life and I think it was the best thing for me to do because I was such a basket case before then I couldnt hear or mention his name without bursting into tears. What breed was Sade? Do I see some wolf or coyote???????

01-20-2008 8:05 PM -- By: Leigh,    Critters.com memorial:   Little Bit Memorial
Kathy, I know exactly how you feel. Many of us here do. I am 53 years old, had my baby girl for 18 yrs, 1 month. And I honestly do beleive it was harder to lose her than it was to lose my own mother also. My mother lost her battle with a brain hemmorage and we children of hers had to make the fateful decision of life support. Now I had to make that same decision to release my baby of her pain and it was somehow MUCH harder to do. Maybe it is because our Babies are much more dependent on us for everything in our lifes whereas our parents werent as much until at the last. And like so many others here, I had to wait 3 days to bring my baby back home, it was a aweful trip home, especially the moment we pulled into the driveway and I realized she would no longer be at the door waiting to greet me. BUT , I feel somewhat better because she IS home. My husband and I both decided that whoever of us passes first, will have her buried with us. Kathy, it will get better. I know it doesnt seem like it but everyone here is so wonderfully sweet and understanding. I only hope I can help others as they are now helping me! You may of lost a large piece of your heart ,but your baby's heart will also be with YOU. Bless all the little furbabies over Rainbow bridge and all the mommies and daddies here.

 

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