I MISS YOU FIERCELY GIRL!

...Grief is something I will never get over. It is something I will walk through and learn how to manage and live with. I have no other choice...life moves me on...forces me to mold a new path. You looked at me with eyes of love; you never held a grudge. You thought I was far too wonderful to criticize or judge. You are superior to any human I've ever known.

August 17, 2008 - Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain, which I haven't mastered yet. I am trying with all I have in me. I miss you fiercely girl, and I always will.

October 5, 2008 - Missing you pretty girl...missing you every moment of every day. I love you!

January 3, 2009 - I looked up at the sky the other day and was in awe of its beauty...then, I suddenly realized it's beautiful because you are up there...missing you no less my sweet angel Ebony.

January 17, 2009 - "An Animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language." ~ Martin Buber

October 14, 2009 How do I relieve my pain? I do not understand how to do this alone. My heart aches...my soul hurts to the core...I just want my baby back! I will NEVER be the same will I? I am thankful for all the years we shared together, but I do not like life without my precious "labrador angel." I beg you to comfort my shattered heart.

November 11, 2009 Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

On this 13th day of February 2010, I am sending a dove with a parcel on its wings. Be careful when you open it because it is full of many beautiful things. Inside are a million kisses wrapped up in a million hugs...just to say how much I love you my precious angel. I am sending you all my love. Mom

"A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam, and for a brief moment its glory and beauty belong to our world....but then it flies again and though we wish it could have stayed...we feel blessed to have seen it."

"What the caterpillar percieves as the end, to the butterfly is just the beginning.

...our STORY

Ebony and her brother were found in a filthy trash dumpster on a hot day in December 1995. Per the vet, they were approximately six weeks old, and that's how I came up with Ebony's birth date. Someone heartlessly discarded her and her dear little brother, and left them to die. Ebony was brought to me near death by some neighborhood boys. Sadly her precious little brother who I named Prince was already gone when the boys found them. God sent me a special gift that day and I graciously accepted. I pampered my new girl back to health, and dedicated my life to her. My life would be forever changed. Ebony was my anchor...my best friend...my girl...my everything...the reason I finally straightened up my life and really wanted to live right. She was the best girl a mom could ever hope for. A piece of my heart went with Ebony when she died, and will stay with her forever. How does one ever say the right thing or possibly give enough honor to "someone" they love so very much? Thankfully, this site will give me the opportunity to share our memories, tell Ebony's story and put my feelings into words.

I AM LOST EBONY. I don't know what to do without you. I am so sorry I did not take more pictures of you. I guess I just never thought about you being gone...I feel so sad...so very sad that I only have a handful of pictures after all those years. Would you please guide me my angel, to say the right words, to say everything you would be proud of? There is so much to say to you and about you, and I want to be sure and give you the honor you so richly deserve. I am so empty now. Oh what a pretty girl you are!!! My precious Angel Ebony...I MISS YOU more with every day that passes. It is devastating that we had to say good-bye so soon. I feel like I failed...I should have had you longer...13, 14, 15 years...forever!

I am so deeply sorry Ebony...I didn't know you were sick my precious girl...you hid it so well from me. I thank you from the very deepest place in my heart that belongs to only you for giving me 11 1/2 of the most marvelous years of my life, and for chosing me to be your mom. I will cherish our memories and alll the love we shared forever. Although I will always feel robbed of you, I was so blessed to have you for my girl for the precious years we shared. Oh how my heart aches...it aches so deep I cannot explain it in words. What a marvelous gift God granted me when he blessed me with you. What a treasured memory you will always be! I will keep my love for you and all our memories, in your very own special place in my heart, until my journey here on earth is done. THANK YOU for rescuing me and changing my life! I truly do not know the path I would have taken, if it hadn't been for you...thank you so much Ebony. MY LIFE WAS FOREVER CHANGED the day we met...

...I woke up Saturday morning April 21, at 7:20am, and found you lying on your side barely breathing with your arms (legs) stretched out in front of you like you were reaching for me...your beautiful eyes were glazed...you were not responding to anything...my worst nightmare was beginning. I knew when I woke up and found you that you were trying with all your strength to make your way to me so you could let me know something was wrong. Something had gone terribly wrong during the night while I was sleeping. I am so sorry my precious baby that I was not awake for you when you needed me. I didn't know anything was wrong girl...I didn't even know you were sick. The thought that you needed me and I wasn't awake for you will remain an open wound in my heart for the rest of my life. On that dreadful day...the morning I rushed you to the doctor...I had no idea it would end up being our goodbye.

...somehow we made it to the clinic. During our four mile drive, all I remember is stopping at those red lights and taking the pictures that are on your "Last Day" page...everything else is a haze. We pulled up at the back door of the clinic five minutes before Doctor Guajrdo arrived. As he was getting out out of his truck, I was crying and out of control. I tried so hard to be calm, but I felt like I was losing my mind. I told him I thought you were dying...I was begging him to please save you, as we carried you inside the clinic together. We layed you on the table, and Doctor Guajardo told me to have a seat in the waiting room because he wanted to start running some tests on you immediately so we would know what the next step would be. He came out to the lobby and told me to go home and he would call me within a couple of hours with the results. Ebony, I truly thought you would be treated and be able to come home with me soon. I thought they'd make you better...I didn't think this nightmare was going to continue. I received a call about 45 minutes after I got home, and the doctor told me when they started you on the IV fluids and began to prepare you for the x-rays you went into cardiac arrest. He stated that he was able to revive you, but that I needed to get back there immediately, as he didn't think you were going to make it. I don't remember the drive back to the clinic...all I remember is leaving home and then I was pulling into the clinic's parking lot. The staff allowed me to join you immediately when I arrived. I felt like I was walking through someone elses path...not ours. This couldn't be happening...this couldn't be true. Ebony, if I'd known you were so close to leaving me that morning, I NEVER would have come back home to wait for the doctor to call with the results...I promise you girl that I would have stayed by your side every second until the end. Please forgive me...I'm so deeply sorry honey. I really thought you were going to be okay, and I would bring you back home!

Doctor Guajardo said that the x-rays showed a large mass inside your tummy, and it had apparently burst causing internally bleeding...you were bleeding to death. It felt like someone reached inside me and began physically tearing at my heart and stomach. I felt like it was my fault for not knowing sooner...for not seeing a sign, so I asked the doctor what I should have done different...I was literally being "shredded" inside. It was an agony I cannot explain in words. The doctor said there would have been no way to tell because there were no visible signs. You had no swollen lymph nodes, no fever, no nothing...other than a hidden monster inside you that had been working for months on taking you away from me. Doctor Guajardo had cared for you since you were a baby so he knew your history. He told me I had done everything right and it was not was not my fault for not knowing. He looked at me and said, "Carole, she is very ill, and I think you know what needs to be done...there is nothing more we can do for her." I lost it baby girl!!! My heart and mind were SCREAMING God no, why now...why so soon...why my precious angel? Ebony, I am so sorry I ever had to make the decision to send you to eternal rest honey, but it was so you would not suffer. You were barely breathing...there was nothing more we could do for you...your life had completed its journey. You were being called to your eternal resting place.

As you were slipping away into your eternal sleep, I collapsed on your side sobbing and telling you I loved you over and over until you took your last breath. A minute or so before you went to sleep you used all the strength left in your weak body to raise your head up, and you looked directly into my eyes with those beautiful brown eyes of yours...we were "locked" in the moment. I felt you girl...I felt you trying to tell me goodbye. Thank you so much honey. That picture of your pretty face looking at me will stay in my mind forever...until we are together again wrapped in each others arms. Then, we will never have to let go of each other again. I prayed for a miracle that day Ebony...but instead I found out that it was your time to go. What am I going to do? Now a very special chapter in my life is over, a chapter that I will forever be grateful for...a chapter that will be forever imbedded in my heart and memories. It was so hard to let you go. I will keep your love here with me that made me strong while you were alive.

Your life ended peacefully while we were saying good-bye...while you were safely wrapped in my arms, at 9:32am Saturday morning. A huge piece of my heart went with you, and a part of me died when you took your last breath. If I could give five years of my life to have you back for one more, the deal would have already been made. I love and cherish you so much!

I give "special thanks" to Dr. Guajardo and his staff at the Colina Veterinary Clinic. I cannot say thank you enough times to express the gratitude I feel for the care you gave Ebony since she was a baby. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for trying so hard to save her life. I will be grateful to all of you forever for your excellent care, understanding and compassion.

My precious Ebony, I've been crying every day since you left me. Thank God I found this place to remember you and keep you alive. I miss you so very much black beauty...my "Labrador Angel". My heart is broken in a million pieces, and I can hardly think straight. I feel lost...there is a huge void in my heart...an empty space that you use to fill...now filled with only the precious memories we shared. Oh my dear Lord please...please help me...I am hurting so bad! The grief is unbearable...so far beyond what I ever thought it could possibly be. With the grief comes the agony that goes along with losing such a divine "child". Ebony, I was numb and in disbelief that you were taken from me so abruptly, and it has begun sinking in that you are really gone. I don't know how to deal with this pain. This just doesn't seem real...you are not supposed to be gone. Yes, I will celebrate your life and the time we shared together, but with the celebration comes the memories that turn into rivers of tears because I miss and love you so much...because I don't have you with me anymore. I know we will see each other one day again, and I thank God every time I look at you that I was blessed to know such an awesome girl. You taught me so much about unconditional love and trust. Ebony, you truly changed me forever.

We had so much fun at doggie park last week...I will never forget that last "special" day we spent together. I will always have that picture in my mind of you jumping out of the car and racing across the park to say hi to all your doggie friends. You were so friendly to everyone, so gentle, and such a goofy girl (Ebby, Bebbly, Bebby, Debby, Debbylou, Ebbylou...you knew all your nicknames). I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!! I miss your array of unique talking sounds, your sweet shampoo smell (you always smelled so fresh), your smile, your soft ears, your touch, your warm personality, the gentle way you took treats out of my hand, your jealous howls while I was on the phone talking, your slobber at doggie park (you would slobber all over when you got excited...you even had your very own slobber towel), your cute dancing when you would get excited, the way you wrapped your arms around my neck when you hugged me, your beautiful brown soul filled eyes (they told me how much you loved me), bumping your nose on the front door knob and burying your nose in my purse to find the car keys when you wanted to go bye-bye, the way you bowed your head down when I would kid with you (you acted bashful)...I MISS EVERY SINGLE thing about you...my heart aches so deeply...you were my child.

If something should happen to me along the way, as I travel the rest of my journey here on earth, I will surely try and come to wherever you are. You will always be kept in a special place in my heart baby. You are so beautiful, and such a special girl. I will thank God every day for the rest of my life for giving me the honor to know you. I thank you for your gift of unconditional love, and some of the most wonderful years of my life. Thank you for allowing me to be your mom. You were a perfect child! Watch for me in heaven baby. Until we meet again "Ebbylou", tell the Angels hello. I will love you forever and ever, even after..... It's ok to go on now pretty girl...run across heaven's fields and let those soft silky ears fly in the wind like you did at doggie park....With undying and the deepest love I could ever express, forever and ever, Mommy.

01/27/08 - I LOVE YOU EBONY...I miss you so much. Thank you again pretty girl for allowing me to be your mom. You made me so happy. I still pace the floor in disbelief...I lost my precious Ebony...my heart feels such deep pain. Please...please tell me how to stop my tears. What can I do to ease my pain??? The tears keep falling...my heart is bleeding, as I lay down to sleep my eyes are wide open…flashes of my past...I lost my precious Ebony...memories float around in my mind going back in time...the time that passed by so quickly...the time I shared with my precious “Labrador Angel”. I am blowing a kiss to you girl...please catch it. Luv forever, mommy.

Every tear is a prism through which I see,

a rainbow of emotions and memories.

My beautiful girl Ebony

March 21, 2007 - I could never have imagined that four weeks from this picture I would be saying good-bye to you my precious baby. You are such a pretty girl. I love you so much Ebony. You were just the best girl a mom could ever have. You were always right by my side every moment for 11 1/2 years. I will thank you for the rest of my life for helping to make me who I am today. You mean the world to me...you were the world to me. I miss you terribly. Rest in sweet heavenly peace my dear girl. Missing you...mommy.

Ebony in her den...the tub. She is precious.

EBONY AT 11 1/2 YEARS - This picture of Ebony was taken March 21, 2007 (in her den) exactly one month before she left this world. If I only knew our time together was almost over, I would have taken a hundred more pictures. Ebony took a liking to the tub when she was nine months old. I couldn't find her one morning when I was getting ready for work and thought she had gotten outside. I called for her many times...no Ebony. I was getting dressed in the bathroom so I could go outside and look for her, and I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. It was my sweet little girl in the tub peeking over the edge at me. The look on her face said, "so what are you all worried about mom?" She slept in the tub from that day forward until the day she left me. I will never forget her cuteness. She was a beauty!

Ebony's picture in the dash of my car.

EBONY AT THREE YEARS - I keep pictures of my pretty girl very close to me...on my desk at work...at home, and she even goes everywhere with me in the dash of my car. I have to keep her near me. If I couldn't look at her beautiful face, I don't think I could make it through the day. She is my comfort like she always was. The pain is so very deep....I have a huge void in my heart that I am not sure will EVER go away.

Ebony with her best friend Brandy, she loved her dearly. Look how she made Ebony smile.

EBONY AT FIVE YEARS - Ebony loved Brandy so much (just look at that grin on her face). All I had to do was say Brandy's name and she would go into her "Brandy" mode. She'd start howling and dancing like a frisky little puppy. One time she waited at the front gate for 3 1/2 hours for Brandy to come. She would not come inside no matter what I did. I finally had to call Brandy and ask her to please hurry so Ebony would come back inside. Sadly when Ebony died it had been four years since Brandy had come by to visit her so she has no idea that Ebony is gone. Ebony use to sit at the door and wait for her for hours after she quit visiting her...I will never forgive her for deserting Ebony. She broke her heart. I could still mention Brandy's name to Ebony after all those years of absence, and Ebony still remembered her name.

Ebony, I love you and miss you more each day.

2002 - Ebony at seven years old and her brother Buster.

SEPTEMBER 10, 2007 - S A T U R D A Y S - Saturday is no longer my favorite day, and it will always be extra tough for me at 9:32am when we were forced to say good-bye. Ebony, I bet you are seeing lots of beautiful parks and gardens in Heaven. I picture gold lined shores, soft warm lights, fields of fresh flowers and nothing but pristine blue skies, and the most vivid colors all around you...am I right? God please take care of my baby. I've managed to keep it together pretty good now most of the time, but as soon as the time rolls around when you slipped away from me, I find myself getting that same sickening feeling in my tummy. Sure, I laugh...sure I cry...but crying seems so much more natural than laughing these days. The slightest of memories, a photo, a song, a sunset, whatever - thoughts come back to the fact you are NOT here with me any longer..."sigh"...I miss you. Luv Mom.

SEPTEMBER 15, 2007 - My precious Angel Ebony" you left 22 Saturdays ago. It really seems like is was just one Saturday ago. I am having another one of those days. You see honey, I mask my pain all week, and then think I'm going to float right through the weekend. I just can't do it yet. Saturday was our special "doggy park" day. I took your collar and leash out of the zip lock bag I keep it in this morning...and guess what...I can still smell you. I savor every single thing that is you! I am going to try and make to to the park again...I promise you. I still can't get past the little store on the corner where you'd start doing your "doggy park shuffle" and singing your "doggy park tune"...you know what I'm talking about. You were so cute!!! I wished so bad that I had a picture of you running across the park. I was always so excited on "our day", I would always forget to take a camera, and besides, the thought of you leaving me so soon never once entered my mind. I will regret not taking pictures there forever. I miss you and love you more the longer you are gone. XOXOXOXOXOX Mommy

1998 - EBONY AT THREE YEARS. WISHING EVERY DAY THAT YOU WERE HERE. I found this picture on April 30, 2008. I was so excited when I found a new picture of you. There's a silence in your place in my heart...an over-powering silence that cannot be broken. I will never see your face again or hear your barks and howls fill the room...no more beautiful brown eyes, to cast their light upon the darkest day...no more hugs...no more kisses. I wish you were here with us girl...oh how I wish you were here. There's an empty place in my heart that no one will ever fill, and from the depths of darkest night only you could ever fill that empitness I feel every day. Only your special grace could fulfill the promise of the day. I wish you were here...oh how I wish you were here. I turn amid the bustle of the day, expecting to see you there. A fleeting movement, a glimpse of something familiar, and my senses are flooded with you. Shadows flicker in my memory, slowly disappear, and re-appear several times each day. I wish you were here...oh how I wish you were here.

My Precious Ebony, to the world you were one, but to me you "are" the world. I hope you are happy girl. Run free and let those beautiful floppy ears flow in the breeze. You will forever be my "very special labrador angel." One day my heart will heal its broken pieces. On the wings of love, I bid you farewell my precious Angel. I miss you more than you could ever know, love mommy. My Angel Ebony, when I look up to the sky I think about you. The sun is so bright, the clouds are so soft. Then, it rains and I am reminded of the tears I still cry for you.&f=I love you pretty girl, forever, your mommy.

...so much for stopping by to visit my precious girl...she means the world to me. Your visit also helps me heal, as you help me keep my girl's memories alive. You remind me that I am not alone in my loss...that I have support....and that you care. Losing Ebony "is" so devasting, to say the least, and I miss her more than ever. My life has changed so much...a huge piece of my heart is gone forever...the other shattered pieces were left behind for me to try and put back together again. The only problem is...I cannot repair it with that huge piece gone. So shine on, my brightest star - my brave strong girl. I am a better human being for having shared your life - your goodness - your love and your understanding - your patience and your humor - your joy...and even your sorrow. I could never wish for a more loyal or loving friend. My life will never be the same without you in it. Less painful...maybe...with time...but never the same. Bless you my precious "Labrador Angel".

~ ♥ Shabba Lou 1994 - June 30, 2008

~ ♥ Maggie Mae 2001 - August 11, 2009

~ ♥ Seville 1996 - April 2, 2010

~ ♥ Buster 1996 - April 24, 2010