This stone wall surrounds a family plot at the cemetery where Dollie and I used to walk every morning. It stands about eighteen inches high. Every time that we passed this way, without fail, Dot would make a bee- line over to the little wall, stop, and then stare at me. I'd start saying "Dollie, walk that wall. You walk that wall gurl." Well, she'd crouch her little front end down and start pumping and priming herself, always looking back and forth at me to make sure that I was watching and encouraging her, to make that gigantic leap up to the top of it. You need to remember that Dot was only six inches tall from the ground to her shoulders. And for her to heave her entire three and a half pound to such an extreme height, well, this was certainly a monumental achievement for her. When she finally reached the summit, she immediately looked at me as if to say "hey daddy, I made it, I made it. Aren't you proud of me?" And her daddy was proud of her, very proud. He was more proud of his daughter than any daddy in the whole wide world..;)

8.27.08- dollie, i'm sitting up here at the cemetery, at our little place. it's raining. i just walked your wall, retracing your little steps. thinking about how proud you were, acting like a "big gurl." time just flies, then it stops, then it flies... i don't know what to do. i feel so lost without you sugar. my world changed when you left it. it's no longer full. it's empty. i'm not only lonely, i'm alone. i'm sad. i know that you wouldn't want me to be but i can't help it dollie, i really, really can't. i cry and cry and cry for you every day. i'm hurting. i'm sad. i'm heartbroken..;(

9.12.08- dot, when i turned in the drive to our place yesterday, it started raining. that's us, isn't it sugar-boog? as soon as i got stopped, "if tomorrow never comes" started. so did the tears. dollie, i sure hope that when we said goodbye here on earth that you knew how much i loved you. i really did try in every way, to show you every way, just how much i loved you. i so hope that you knew. dot, please don't forget me, k? i'll be there soon sweetheart. forever, daddy..;)

Dollie, with you, when I felt as if I'd lost my way, I had someone there to say "I'll show you." I depended on you Dollie. I needed you. I still do, sweetheart..;)

This is the picture that I keep on the dashboard of our "big ol' truck." It's a crinkled mess now, being soaked many, many times over with my tears and my kisses to my little gurl. I pasted it on "our bench" with her birthday balloon for a picture. We used to rest here, in the cemetery where we walked together every morning.

A note attached to Dollie's birthday balloon: Happy Birthday Dollie. Daddy Loves You With All Of His Heart. I'll Be Home Soon Sugar. Please Wait For Me. Forever And Ever, Daddy.

Another note attached to Dollie's birthday balloon: 10/16/08 To Whoever Finds This Note From Me, Dollie Marie Cothran, On My Fourteenth Birthday; May Your Life Be Richly Blessed Knowing That You Are Loved By Two Souls In Heaven, The Heavenly Father, And Me, Daddy's Little Gurl..;)

Hey sweetheart. I hope you got your birthday balloon. As I sat on "our bench" today on the top of the hill in the cemetery, my emotions overtook me as never before. As I sat there for a couple of hours and just let myself dream, I could vividly picture us there, retracing all of our little paths. So clearly could I remember us, you Always ahead about three steps, blazin' the trail, continually looking back at me as if to say "Come on daddy, the coast is clear." Imagining, once again, the site of your little legs churning so fast and your little "wheat seed" rump sashaying left to right with such grace and elegance. Remembering how you'd always test daddy. I'd say "Dollie, no no, we're not going that way." How you'd always stop, look back at me, take one last glance at the forbidden route, set your sights like a flint on the chosen way, cock your little head erect, expand that massive chest of yours, and march proudly as the "leader of the pack." Dollie, I cried more tears today than I have since the day you left my side sixteen months ago. Releasing your balloon, watching it drift aimlessly toward the open sky. Oh how I'd love to know that somehow, someway, you knew. That you somehow saw me. You felt me. I miss you, I miss us, so much sugar. My world is so much different now. This morning as I was sitting on the end of our bed reading all of your happy birthday wishes to you from all of your friends, Snowball was curled up in my lap. I broke down uncontrollably. As Snowball lifted his big, pretty eyes to check on me, I started saying through my tears and gasps for breath, "Snowball, it's Dollie's birthday today. Do you remember Dollie? Do you remember little Dollie Bill?" As I continued to weep and as my broken heart oozed from my body, Snowbee slowly raised from my lap. (As we both know, Snowbilly doesn't Ever get in a rush.) Well, he turned and stood on his back legs, placing his arms to either side of my face, on my shoulder. As I continued to weep and remind him of the reason for my meltdown, he slowly, and deliberately, started drying my tears with his sweet, soft kisses under each eye. He had the look of compassion and understanding that I couldn't explain to you Dollie. I know that he remembers you and Jake, and misses you both very, very much. You're forever etched into the lives of all that encountered you here on earth. You left an indelible mark on each heart that you graced. I'll guarantee you that anyone that was every blessed enough to have met you or that was ever in your presence, will never, ever forget you. The way you exuded compassion, caring, concern, kindness, beauty and most of all, uncompromised, unparalleled, unequaled, and pure unconditional love. You taught me so, so much sugar. And although I'll never be known as a man of wealth or high esteem, I'll live the remainder of my life in higher regards than I ever dreamed possible, just for having you as my mentor and my daughter. Happy birthday Dollie. May your special day be filled with fun, rest, happiness, and all of things you love and deserve. My prayer is that you'll take a moment or two and remember me, remember us. I'll be home soon baby doll. Please wait for me, k? With all the respect, honor, admiration, thanksgiving and love that I can possibly muster from my tired, weary, and broken heart, your daddy, forever and ever..;)