I've created this page in honour of the dogs i've had in my life who have gave me so much happiness and laughter.I've loved dogs all my life.Noops was such a character,always up to mischief.He drove me mad at times with his antics but i think secretly i loved his naughty ways.
I dedicate this page to Max,Snowy&Noops where our time together has come to an end(For Now)but the beginning was special and all the years inbetween are cherished x
Why own a dog? There's a danger you know.
You can't own just one, for the craving will grow.
There's no doubt they're addictive, wherein lies the danger.
While living with lots, you'll grow poorer and stranger.
One dog is no trouble, and two are so funny.
The third one is easy, the fourth one's a honey.
The fifth one delightful, the sixth one's a breeze,
You find you can live with a houseful with ease.
So how 'bout another? Would you really dare?
They're really quite easy but oh, Lord the hair!
With dogs on the sofa and dogs on the bed,
and crates in the kitchen, it's no bother you've said.
They're really no trouble, their manners are great.
What's just one more dog and just one more crate?
The sofa is hairy, the windows are crusty,
the floor is all footprints, the furniture dusty.
The housekeeping suffers, but what do you care?
Who minds a few noseprints and a little more hair?
So let's keep a puppy, you can always find room,
and a little more time for the dust cloth and broom.
There's hardly a limit to the dogs you can add,
the thought of a cutback sure makes you sad.
Each one is so special, so useful, so funny.
The vet, the food bill grows larger, you owe money.
Your folks never visit, few friends come to stay,
except other dog folks, who all live the same way.
Your lawn has now died, and your shrubs are dead too,
but your weekends are busy, you're off with your crew.
There's dog food and vitamins, training and shots.
And entries and travel and motels which cost lots.
Is it worth it, you wonder? Are you caught in a trap?
Then that favorite dog comes and climbs in your lap.
His look says you're special and you know that you will
keep all of the critters in spite of the bill.
Some just for showing and some just to breed.
And some just for loving, they all fill a need.
But winter's a hassle, the dogs hate it too.
But they must have their walks though they're numb and you're blue.
Late evening is awful, you scream and you shout
at the dogs on the sofa who refuse to go out.
The dogs and the dog shows, the travel, the thrills,
The work and the worry, the pressure, the bills.
The whole thing seems worth it, the dogs are your life.
They're charming and funny and offset the strife.
Your life-style has changed. Things won't be the same.
Yes, those dogs are addictive and so is the dog game!!
The Creation story as told by Snoopy
On the first day, God created the dog.
On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the
earth to serve as potential food for the dog.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man
could labour for the good of the dog.
On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the
dog might or might not retrieve it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to
keep the dog happy and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but he had to
walk the dog.
If you want someone who will do anything to please you, get a dog.
If you want someone who will bring you the newspaper without tearing through it first for the sports page, get a dog.
If you want someone who'll make a total fool of himself because he's so glad to see you, get a dog.
If you want someone who eats whatever you put in front of him and never says his mother made it better, get a dog.
If you want someone who's always eager to go out any time you ask and anywhere you want to go, get a dog.
If you want someone who can scare away burglars without waving a lethal weapon around, endangering you and all the neighbors, get a dog.
If you want someone who never touches the remote, couldn't care less about Monday Night Football, and watches dramatic movies with you as long as you want, get a dog.
If you want someone who'll be content just to snuggle up and keep you warm in bed, and who you can kick out of bed if he slobbers and snores, get a dog.
If you want someone who never criticizes anything you do, doesn't care how good or bad you look, acts as though every word you say is worth hearing, never complains, and loves you unconditionally all the time, get a DOG!
On the other hand...
If you want someone who never comes when you call him, totally ignores you when you walk in the room, leaves hair all over the place, walks allover you, prowls around all night and comes home only to eat and sleep all day, and acts as though you are there only to see that HE's happy...
Get a CAT
Dear God, Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are their priorities?
Dear God, When we get to heaven can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Dear God, Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang,The colt, the stingray and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle?
Dear God, If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God, If we come back as humans, is that good, or bad?
Dear God, More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God, When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?
Dear God, Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the Schnauzer across the street.
Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God, We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God, May I have my testicles back?
1. The dog is not allowed in the house.
2. OK, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
4. The dog can get on the old furniture only.
5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed
to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. OK, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not
under the covers.
8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only.
9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers
with the dog.
You know you're a dog person when.......The trash basket is more or less installed in the kitchen sink to keep the dog out of it while you're out!
Things Dogs Must Try To Remember...
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
There is a puddle on the floor,
'tis plain for all to see.
Now is that puddle H2O or is
The Happy Dog's Bedtime Prayer
Now I lay me down to sleep,
The queen-size bed is soft and deep.
I sleep right in the center groove
My human being can hardly move!
I've trapped her legs,
she's tucked in tight,
And here is where I pass the night.
No one disturbs me or dares intrude
Till morning comes and I want food!
I sneak up slowly and it begins
My nibbles on my human's chin.
She wakes up slowly and smiles and shouts,
"You darling beast! Just cut it out!"
But morning's here and it's time to play
I always seem to get my way.
So thank you, Lord, for giving me
This human person that I see
The one who hugs and holds me tight
and shares her bed with me at night!
DOG PROPERTY LAWS
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. if it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours!
You know you're a dog person when.........You can't see out the passenger window of your car because of all the little nose smudges!
A Dog Dictionary
LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.
DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
DROOL: What to do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor or, better yet, on their laps.
SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply. Repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop.
GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and mouldy crusts of bread.
BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.
DEAFNESS: A malady which affects a dog when its person wants it in and the dog wants to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.
THUNDER: A signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.
WASTEBASKET: A dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home.
SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.
BATH: A process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.
LEAN: Every good dog's response to the command "sit!", especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.
BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.
GOOSE BUMP: A last-resort maneuver used when the Regular Bump doesn't get the attention you require. Especially effective when combined with The Sniff (see above).
LOVE: A feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. To show your love, wag your tail and gaze adoringly. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.
Ten Good Reasons for Getting A Dog
10. Thought the house was too orderly
9. Never did like having a full nights sleep
8. Wanted my Vet to get a new BMW
7. Thought the furniture looked too nice
6. Love the sounds of puppies in the morning, noon, afternoon, evening, midnight, pre-dawn, etc.
5. Garden and backyard needed renovations, and didn't want to pay a gardener.
4. Neighbors didn't complain enough
3. Kids weren't enough of a challenge
2. If you can train & show one dog, why not ten .
1. To see if your spouse really meant his vows.
You know you're a dog person when.............You carry dog biscuits in your pockets all the time!
How much do I love thee? Let me count the ways:
Will I love you when you puddle for nineteen continuous days on that
Gorgeous Indian blanket that my friends have all admired?
Will I love you when I find you on my pillow when you're tired?
Will I love your muddy paw prints when you chase a butterfly
From the garden through the kitchen when the floor wax isn't dry?
Will I love you when you're shedding and all day I vacuum hair?
When in digging you demolish ten begonias raised with care?
Will I love you just past midnight when I let you out and then
I let you in...then let you out.... then let you in again?
Will I love you when you're lunching on a twenty dollar shoe?
(True you didn't touch the other, but I sorta needed two).
Will I love you as I pay the vet for binding that nasty little gash
You got while decorating the lawn with all our trash?
Will I love you when you're sandy, dripping water from the beach
As I chase you 'cross the carpet and you stay just out of reach?
At these times let me remember how cute you look today
And sigh and tell myself - I love you anyway.
Mind Games for Dogs to Play With Humans
After your humans give you a bath, don't let them towel you dry! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself on the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your human's bedtime.
Act like a convicted criminal. When your humans come home, put your ears back, with tail between your legs and chin down, and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused. Note: This works best when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.
Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.
Help your humans learn patience. When you go outside to 'pee', sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.
Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go 'poo.' Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.
When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.
Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.
Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears).
When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.
Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside, this will drive them nuts!)
Thorns may hurt you, men desert you, sunlight turn to fog;
but you're never friendless ever, if you have a dog.
Poem For New Puppy Owners
Don't smell crotches, don't eat plants.
Don't steal food or underpants.
Don't eat my socks, don't grab my hair...
DON'T RIP THE STUFFING FROM THAT CHAIR !
Don't eat those peas, don't touch that bush,
Don't chew my shoes, what IS this mush ?!?
Eat your cookies, drink your drink,
Outta the toilet, outta the sink !
AWAY FROM THE LITTER BOX, IT'S FOR THE CAT !
(and must you kiss me after that ? )
Raising a puppy is not for the lazy,
Those rugrats are funny , but also quite crazy.
Don't despair through the toil and strife,
'Cause after three years you'll get back your life !
So let's go for walkies, so you can do your "thing,"
And maybe I'll get back my new diamond ring
In my conclusion,the only downside to owning dogs is..............THEY JUST DONT LIVE LONG ENOUGH!!!
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