Noops memorial is a very special place for me. It's a place i come to be with Noops once more and I've found dear friends at this site, so this is where I'd like to tell my story. I believe we all have Angels looking out for us, steering us on the right path in life and everything happens for a reason, although at the time, we dont always understand why things happen.
I guess my story begins at the beginning of 2005 when I was 35 years old. Noops had started having seizures. Tests were reveling nothing as to why. They were only occasionally and inbetween Noops was fine. Nonetheless a worrying time.
I also started having stomach pains and bleeding. Just like Noops visits to the doctors and tests reveled nothing. Noops would comfort me when I was feeling unwell. I'd talk to him, wondering what was wrong with us as we snuggled. He was a great comfort to me, just like he'd always been through our life together. I was booked in at the hospital for an ultrasound scan at a later date.
As time went on, my bleeding and stomach pains disappeared and Noops was having very few seizures, life seemed to be back to normal for us.
As time went by with things ok for the both of us, my appointment for my scan was drawing near. The night before my appointment, Noops had 2 big siezures during the night. I spent most of the night up with him as he was very unsettled. I rang the emergency vet as I was very concerned. He'd never had 2 seizures in the space of 24 hours before. As i was talking to the vet, Noops seemed to eventually settle down, so I was advised to bring him to the surgery the following morning just to get checked out. Noops slept peacfully and the following morning I decided to cancel my hospital appointment. After all, I felt fine. I thought Noops required medical attention more than me. That decision I took would have a huge impact on my life, I would later find out.
Noops was fine and I was ok so life just carried on. We got to early summer and I missed a period. I thought I should go to the doctors, but I knew they would mention pregnancy so I did a pregnancy test just to rule that out. I knew I couldn't be pregnant as years ago, after failing to concieve from years of trying I went for infertility tests which revealed endometreosis. I was placed on the IVF waiting list and a year later I had my beautiful daughter in 1997. I'd never been able to concieve another child since then.
I done the pregnancy test, with Noops by my side, I couldn't believe the results. I was pregnant! After all these years and without infertiity treatment. I went to the doctors and my pregnancy was confirmed. The doctor gave me my babies due date. April 10th. I couldn't believe it, you see April 10th is my mothers birthday. My mam went to Heaven in 1989 after a battle with cancer aged 40. What was the odds of that, being able to concieve anyway but for my baby to be born on that special date? I knew then my baby was so special, I just didnt know at this point How Special!
The day arrived for my first baby ultrasound scan. I was excited but had the usual anxieties, was my baby ok? Was there a baby there at all??? My baby was fine and my baby was real but nothing prepared me for what I was told. I was asked if I suffered stomach pains? I said i'd previously had pains but they'd stopped a good while ago. I was told i had a 10cm cyst on my ovary. They decided to operate as the cyst could rupture anytime. They were confident it was benign but wanted to be safe. I was terrified going to the operating theatre, I was told there was a slight chance of miscarrage. After removing the cyst and my right ovary I anxiously waited for the nurse to find my babies heartbeat. It was there!
After a few days home from hospital, I was called in to see the doctor who preformed my operation. I sensed when I went in something was wrong, I knew it. Tests had came back and reveled my cyst was not benign as they thought. A biopsy on my other ovary showed changes in the cells. I broke down, screaming. I kept saying my daughters name over and over again. Cancer? I couldnt die, my daughter needs me. She's only 8 years old. My doctor explained my cyst was borderline. It did contain malignant cells, but borderline cysts have a good survival rate. But, he said i needed a hysterectomy. I was carrying my child in my womb. My special child. He said maybe i should consider a temination as I was only 18 weeks pregnant. He said to think about it and he would refer me to an oncoligist at a different hospital who was more specialist in this field.
It was 2 weeks before I seen the specialist. The longest 2 weeks of my life. How could i terminate this baby? I wanted this baby so much. Without this child, I would never have known about my cyst, then it may have been too late. I was unable to express my feelings to my babies father so we just never spoke. He left during those 2 weeks, not even saying goodbye. I'd cry at night after putting my daughter to bed with Noops by my side. We'd walk my daughter to school and on the way home, I'd cry all the way. She was so excited for her little brother or sister. I'd feel my baby move and it would break my heart. The day before I seen the specialist, I asked for a scan to reveal my babies sex. A boy. I cried the entire time watching my son moving and kicking. How could I take his life in order to save mine? I came home with photos of the ultrasound was this the only pictures i'd ever have of my little boy.
The next day I nervously went to see the specialist. He explained borderline tumours are slow growing and he felt it safe to carry on with my pregnancy.I was overjoyed to say the least.
I went straight to a babies clothes shop and bought my son his first outfit. I wanted to get my daughter out of school and give a big hug but I went straight home to see Noops. He greeted me like he always did and I hugged him so so tight. I realised if he never had those 2 siezures together, I would've went for my scan and my cyst would've been found resulting in a hysterectomy and i'd never have my son. I dont know why Noops had them siezures on that particular night. It never happened before or after that night until his last week at home.
Was I made to miss that appointment? Was my gift of my son sent to save me? Is it all just pure coincadence? I believe Angels were looking out for me. My own Guardian Angel, my Mother. I believe my sons birth date was a sign. Of all the years to become pregnant and at that particular time of year so he was due on my mams birthday. I'll always believe I was Touched by my Guardial Angel, Thankyou mam.
My mam lived her life loving, caring and protecting her family, my brother, sister and myself. She was Gentle, Loving and Kind. I believe that protection carried on and came from beyond. I'll always love you mam.
I gave birth to my special son 4 weeks early on 10th March 2006. I named him Corey Nathan. The meaning of Nathan is Gift from God. Noops stayed with us a further 9 months. He'd been with me through all of this. Thankyou for staying with me through my darkest days until I found my light. On December 5th Noops fell asleep with me and my son by his side. Maybe God thought that his work here was done.
"Our animals shepherd us through certain eras of our lives. When we are ready to turn the corner and make it on our own...they let us go."
My Beautiful Boy
My Son, My Gift
Robbie William's Angels is a beautiful song which I dedicate to my beautiful Mother, Beauty which comes from deep within. She lived her life not complaining there was thorns on roses, but thankful there were roses on thorns.
Life is a journey, not a destination. Death is never the end, just a continuing part of our journey. We remember death in our minds, but remember love in our hearts. We wouldn't know how happiness felt if we never experienced sadness.
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