Our Heart and Soul

February 8, 2008

In 3 days, it will be six months since I saw your beautiful face and loving eyes. I can't believe it. How has a half a year gone by already? How have I survived this long without you by my side? You were my heart and soul - ARE my heart and soul. I just go through the motions, hoping I will wake up from this awful nightmare. I know you aren't in pain anymore, and I know I stopped your suffering. But, I miss you so much, it physically hurts me. All I have to do is think of you and tears come to my eyes. I still sleep with your blanket, sheet and 2 favorite toys. I will always do that. I still look in the sky every night and beg you to come back to me. I will always do that too. Brandi, you were everything to me - more than anyone will ever understand. No one knew the special bond we had. It was Mommy and Baby forever. Daddy misses you very much too. He is different though. He is comforted by the fact that you aren't hurting anymore. I can't feel that way. While I am glad you aren't suffering anymore, the only way I would feel true comfort is if you would come back to me and let me take care of you. Let me show you that I could do it. I want a "do-over". Please make this all be a nightmare, Peanut. Please come back to your Momma. Momma loves you and misses you - forever and a day. XOXO