July 7, 2008
Peanut, I haven’t written in a while, but I have been here constantly. Sometimes it hurts too much to write to you and not get a “response” from you. How many times do I say “I can’t believe you are gone” or “I can’t believe it’s going to be this long”? It still seems unreal and hurts just as much as it did the day I had to say goodbye to you. I’m not even sure how I’ve managed without you, as you were always there for me – through thick and thin – no matter what. It was always Baby and Momma. Sure, when Dad came along, you stole his heart. But, but you still licked my tears away, warmed my heart and made everything better and bearable. You were the only form of unconditional love in my life. Nothing is the same anymore.
Even though we rescued Ruby, it is not even remotely comparable to what we had or what I felt with you. So often, I sadly admit that I look at her and wish she would morph into you. I compare the two of you constantly. I know it’s not fair to Ruby, but I can’t help it. You were and are my heart and soul, and no other can ever change that. We shared experiences and love that can’t be erased or ever replaced. Every walk or ride is a chore with Ruby. With you, it was the adventure of a lifetime – even if we were just riding down the block or walking to the store! You loved so much to be part of everything and to take rides and walks for hours. You were Daddy’s constant driving companion. Somehow you managed to go to several parks in one day, and you always got a treat out of Daddy if he stopped at a store or someone’s house. It could have been meatballs, a burger or even Carvel! When he would bring you to Grandma’s house, you would always “demand” food from her with your insistent bark. Ironically, that is the only time you would ever bark! You would bark your beautiful head off until Grandma gave you a meatball, a piece of meat, a carrot or even just let you lick the plate. I could go on, but now I’m starting to cry again…
Soon it will be on year without you, and it breaks my heart to even write those words. Not having you in my life has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I just miss every single thing about you, and I wish you could come back and we could have a “do over”. I would make up for anything I might have done wrong. Bran, I miss you so much – more than anyone could ever understand… XOXOXOXOXO