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Memorial created 02-17-2008 by
A Broken Heart
Shanna
June 3 1990 - February 16 2008

My Baby

In loving memory of my beloved Shanna who I love so much. Shanna will be greatly missed and be in our hearts forever. I cannot express enough how much you are missed.  It's only been a day and I feel as if my heart has been taken from me.  Your loss of sight and hearing over the last year was difficult for me to understand, but you and I managed to cope.  You have traveled with me around the world, and I would not settle for anything but the best for you.  I am so sorry for the way you left this world.  I don't understand why you did what you did, but I feel the blame and am walking with shame. When I found you, I think you had just a touch of life left, I hope you heard me screaming how sorry I was for not being there and how much I loved you.  I hope you were not scared.  Grandma said that an Angel lead the way and you knew it was time to go that's why it happened.  Dad had a difficult time taking you away from me.  You have been with me for 17 1/2 years.  I knew these were your sunset years, but for you to go so senslessly...  I feel so awful and wish I could just hold you again.  I haven't stopped crying since I found you.  I don't see an end to it.  You survived 8 years of non stop playing and traveling, then two kids came along.  Then they playing became even more exciting. No one knows you like I do.  You will never be replaced, there is only one Shanna.   I love and miss you, I pray that you are happy and that I will see you again someday.  When ever I felt this sad, you were always there for me...  what do I do now that YOU are gone?  I woke that morning so early to see you, cared for you, put you out, gave your treats and cleaned your area.  Then when we all came down for breakfast, I made your's before everyone else ate.  Then put you out to clean your linens and ordered you some more food and treats to go with your chicken, rice, applesauce...  When I came back, you were gone, I was scared and then I found you...I'll never be the same.  I miss you Shanna Banna. -- kisses and scrunches from mom  (you are the BEST ShihTzu in the world!!!!!!)

 

You've been gone two days now and I can't seem to break my routine of care for you.  I naturally wake up expecting you to be there.  The empty house is just a painful reminder of the time I had with you.  I was told today that dogs have a sense that it is time to go...  and that's what you did.  I didn't get to hold you, or have that "one more day" but one more day would still not be enough.  Mommy spends alot of time where I found you.  I just can't get over the loss.  I love you Banana Boat.  You were such a wonderful, understanding, compassionate companion.  I protected you from so much, you were my first baby.  I remember the last two little kisses you gave me...  my heart is so broken...

 

sleeping soundly

It was a week ago today that I took you for your check up.  How long the days seem.  I often think I hear you whining for me.  I still have to tell you good morning and good night.  I went to put things in your room and tiptoed in as if you were still there sleeping.  You are such a beautiful little girl.  Many people have said such kind words and have given mom some comfort.  I'm taking you home in June, just after your birthday.  We're going to your creek up at grandmas cabin.  I have also decided to keep you close to my heart with a special pendant.  I've been looking at pictures and remembered how camera shy you were.  I love you, I miss you, and I'm sorry.  Go play and be happy, I will never forget you...

 

before the chase

Hi baby.  I just got the call to come and pick you up, I'm sending dad, because I don't think I have the strength to do it alone.  It's been exactly a month since you left, and I still feel so much pain and loss.  I am waiting for my beautiful necklace to be delivered so I can keep you next to my heart always.  I miss you so.   I was remembering the days we spent at the park chasing each other with your koosh ball and playing chase up and down the stairs at home.  I feel I just couldn't have loved you enough, but somehow took your presence for granted.  Your love was so unconditional.  Mommy misses sleeping with you, grooming you and cooking for you.  You are so loved.

 

ready for a road trip...

Happy Birthday baby!  18 years today!  Mom has changed since you have passed.  Life is just not as happy as it used to be.  I think about you all the time.  Sometimes I think I hear and see you.  I miss you so.  Mommy loves you!  Love and scrunchies!

 

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