12-31-08 ~ Now, tonight we will move into a brand new year together. I'll stay up long enough to bring in the new year, as I think about the wonderful life we shared, and I will take you with me, as time crosses over to 2009. Thank you Shabba Lou...thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!
12-27-2008 8:08 PM Hello my sweet little "super trooper". Shabba Lou I want you to know that while I was sick, and could not visit you or write in your journal before Christmas, not a moment went by that you and your sis Ebony were not in my thoughts. I miss you so much little man. I can't believe it's been six months since you left me. The pain is still raw...the grief still has a grip on my heart. I will be better one day, but losing you and Ebony so close together was almost more than I could handle. Thank you for fighting your battle so sell. I am so sorry I had to let you go, but you were so sick honey. Hearing Dr. Guahardo tell me that it was time was like taking a knife and stabbing me in the heart. I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. Every ounce of my being ached and wanted to scream outloud...n-o-o-o-o! I kept my feelings inside so you would be calm and comfortable. After you were gone my emotions exploded. I was inumb...in disbelief.
Shabba, you will always be my special little boy. We had so many marvelous years. I will NEVER forget you honey. Out memoires, the life we shared and my love for you will burn like a candle inside of me until I take my last breath. I love you and miss you so very much sweety. Love forever and ever...mommy.
12-25-2008 12:39 PM MERRY CHRISTMAS little man. Oh sweet Shabba Lou mom is having a very tough time with both you and Ebony gone. My heart is aching baby. I play our life in my mind over and over again. It was great wasn't it boy? I thank you my little "super trooper" for all the love and wonderful years you gave me. You were one special "mamma's" boy! I love you and miss you more than ever son. Missing you today and forever. I love you so much Shabba Lou. Your mommy forever!
10-26-2008 11:39 AM Oh Shabba Lou, how I miss you and Ebony honey. I just don't feel good. I am changed...changed forever sweet noy. I imaging I will change more with each one of you precious angels that I have to say goodbye to. Sometimes I don't know how I'll manage.
My losses have made me stronger, and at the same time, they've also made me weaker. While I do think about all the good times and wonderful life we shared together, for me there is no getting around the sad times when they were sick, and when we had to say good-bye. In moving on, I cannot leave any part of my angel’s lives behind. Every second we spent together, to the end, comes with me. People tell me to let the sad times go and concentrate on only the good times...well, I can’t. Grief is just the most confusing emotion...it’s different for everyone.
Nothing can prepare us for the “goodbyes” no matter how much we think we’re prepared. I learned that with you. I thought I was emotionally ready...how wrong I was. The one thing I do know is that no matter how much it hurts to lose each one of you, I would love a thousand times more for all the love and devotion you give in return.
Yesterday...for some unknown reason other than "the path of grief" was especially tough. I cried for hours throughout the whole day until I finally fell asleep from exhaustion. I woke up thinking about Ebony, then; I grabbed her collar and leash (I keep them in a zip-lock bag so they still smell like her) and just held on and cried. After that went on for a while I got your hair locksand smelled them. I felt like you were here with me...almost like I could have reached out and touched you, which is what I was aching to do. This morning has also started out with tears. With Ebony’s birthday around the corner, losing you so recently, other tragedies in the family and the Holidays drawing near...it is overwhelming, to say the very least. We love you!
09-30-2008 11:09 PM From my path of grief...today marks three agonizing months without you my little teddy bear. Shabba I love you so much honey, and I miss you more with each passing moment. I hurt so bad right now Shabba. I think about having to make that heart-breaking decision to relieve you of your pain and suffering. I really don't know what's worse...a sudden loss or having to make that dreaded decision. I've felt them both now. I can't get over you and your sis being gone.
The holidays are almost here again. My heart is already breaking, and the tears roll when I think about "two socks" that will be left untouched this year. If only I could have one wish or prayer come true...I'd turn the clock back and wish both you and Ebony back here with us. I'd do things so different...more kisses and hugs, you'd hear mommy say I love you so many times you'd probably get tired of it...more treats...more walkies...more everything.
I'm sorry I have to go boy...I cannot see through my tears. I miss you...oh how I miss you. Be sure and catch all the kisses I blow into the sky sweety...please share some with Ebony. Luv your proud momma.
09/16/08 8:56 PM More than two months have passed. Memories of us are so fresh. It’s as if we said good-bye just yesterday. You were always there for me Shabba…thank you boy. The life and times we shared together flew by so very fast despite the changes in seasons and surroundings. Today I woke up and thought of you…I had breakfast and thought of you…I went shopping and thought of you…I went to lunch and thought of you…I went to work and thought of you…I returned home in the evening and thought of you…I went to bed and I though of you. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, you are always in my thoughts, and in my dreams. Even though we can't be together now, I know you are still with me…watching over me nights and days. Thoughts of you will be drifting through my mind forever...each day spent without you in my life. That is why the place where my smile comes from is empty, and no matter how I try I cannot stop tears that say, “I miss you”, when they fall. I will remember you until my last breath, you mean so much to me…more than words could ever truly display. Now the life that we had is only memories. I remember the beauty of your face, I remember how we were brought together by chance, I remember when I would looked at you how you would gaze back at me, I remember how our eyes would lock and neither of our heads could turn away. I love you with all my heart…mommy.
08/30/08 11:56am Hello my sweet little teddy bear. I am stopping by this morning on our second month apart, to leave this rose especially for you. I miss you so much Shabba Lou. Thirteen years...gone just like that. One day you were here...the next you were gone. I guess that's just the way life goes. It has no mercy, in the end.
I've cried so many tears, and I ache over the loss of both you and Ebony. My heart has two huge empty places now where I hold on to the only things I have left of you...our love, and some of the most wonderful years of beautiful memories I could ever hope for. You will be carried with me each step of the way...until my path comes to its end.
Please take good care of your sister until we meet again. I love you sweet boy. You were the best my little teddy bear! With undying love, big hugs, kisses and many tears...I will never forget to remember you, mommy.
08-24-2008 10:27am Hello my little Pops. I miss you baby. I miss you and Ebony more than I can say in words alone. We are not the same here at home without you two. I've been even more depressed since you left us. I miss your little "quack" sound so much. I heard it so many times each day. I will love you and hold our memories deep in my heart forever "teddy bear". Love you much!!!!! Mommy.
Though you can't see or touch me, I will be near.
And if you listen with your heart, you'll hear all my love around you, soft and clear.
And then when you must come this way alone, I'll greet you with a wagging tail & welcome you home.
~ Author Unknown ~
Hi honey, Oh my sweet Shabba Lou, I cannot tell you in words alone how much I miss ""everything"" about you. Please know that not a moment goes by without you and Ebony both in the forefront of my thoughts. I know I haven't left you a message for a while...I am sorry. Since I had to say good-bye to you, I've been so depressed. I come visit you both and just sit and stare, as I cry a river of tears. I MISS YOU BOTH SO MUCH!!!
It feels so different at home with both you and Ebony gone. I don't like it this way. I go in and out of depression...I suppose I will for a long time to come. I am so glad I have all your brothers and sisters who give me so much love. I truly don't know what I'd do without them.
I will NEVER get over you being gone. It take a long time to learn how to live without you!!! Life forces us to move on, but it can't take away what we had. You are buried deep in my heart and soul, and will live in me forever and ever...
I have a beautiful memorial made for you and Ebony in the living room. I am so proud of it. When I move back to Oregon, I am going to create the most beautiful memorial garden I can create for you and Ebony. I know you are taking good care of your sister.
Princess is almost completely blind now, and although she seems to be in good health, I regretfully learned from losing Ebony that the "appearence of being well" can be misleading. I hope I have Princess with me for many more years. You, Ebony and Princess were my "three-pack" from the old days. We had such a great life together didn't we? Thank you so much boy for bringing smiles, happiness, love and sunshine into my life. I will eternally be thankful that God blessed me with you.
Please baby...catch all the love, hugs and kisses I always send to you across the skys. I love you...three words really don't express how deep my love for you really is. Shabba, you will always be my little "Super Trooper." I am sending you love from the deepest place in my heart. Your very proud and still heart-broken mommy. XOXOXOXOX
07/31/08 8:35pm One month ago. It's hard to think that 32 days ago, I was holding you in my arms. Oh Shabba, I miss you boy. My heart is aching for both you and Ebony. XOXOXOXOX
07/29/08 6:37pm Hello Shabba boy. Wow...today is the 29th, it was the 29th that we spent those special last hours together and it was 29 days ago that we said good-bye. Oh what I'd give to feel you snuggling in my neck again. You were so soft.
I am trying so hard to cope with all this grief. I thought I was stronger than this. I guess I just didn't realize how deep this would hurt. I thought I was prepared Shabba. How could I ever be prepared for "not" having you in my life. I am hurting so bad baby boy. I can't even say in words how sad I feel. There just isn't a word I know that could explain how wounded my heart feels.
I love you Shabba Lou...you are so beautiful. Thank you so much for those last few hours on Sunday that we spent snuggled up. I am so happy we were blessed with enough time, to spend those hours together. I will carry that day with me for the rest of my life...a "precious" memory.
07/22/08 12:32pm I just thought I'd stop by on my lunch hour to visit you Pappa. I love you and miss you so much Shabba. Stay close to Ebony and she'll protect you. I held the clippings of your hair close to my face last night, and I can still smell the puppy shampoo I used on you. I wish I could hold you in my arms just one more time my little "super trooper". you were such a strong boy for me, and I am so proud of you. thank you shabba Lou!
07/17/08 3:27pm Hello beautiful boy. I miss you so much my Shabba Dabba Do. Remember that song and dance I did when we met. I am so glad I sang that song. Just look at the beautiful name I got to say for 13 years. I just hope your life before we met was not too cruel to you. I guewss all that matters is what we shared. I love you so much Shabba. I am crying so hard right now. I just MISS YOU!
07/11/08 10:21pm Hello Shabba Lou, I am so depressed...my heart is aching. I hope you felt me protecting you on our last day together...I will "never" forget those few beautiful hours we laid together. You are such a precious little boy. I love you so much...I miss you and Ebony so deeply baby.
07/09/08 3:40pm My dear Shabba Lou, my super-trooper, my teddy bear...my hero. What a day! I was worn out from the past week and this week. I didn't have much sleep...I just could get a full night sleep. I woke up this morning at 6:30am and let all your brothers and sisters outside. I laid back down after they were all taken care of, and woke up at 10:01am. You were supposed to be at the doctor this morning at 10:00 for your follow-up visit. I took today off work anticipating bad news, as you were losing weight and weren't feeling so chipper. Last week when you were picked up by the crematorium, I was hoping you be back to me by today so I could have your memorial service. My prayers came true...you arrived at the clinic last night. I didn't have the emotional strength to pick you up last night, so I planned on picking you up this morning and going straight to the San Diego Pet Cemetery. It’s amazing how everything fell into place. I met two wonderful women who helped ease my sadness today...what a breath of fresh air they were. I love you dear boy...I miss you more than ever. Luv, momma.
07/08/08 6:13am Good morning Teddy Bear. The last thing I think about befoew I go to sleep at night is you and Ebony. the first thing I thank bout when I wake up is you and Ebony. I feel like I'm doing worse this morning than I was yesterday. That's just the way grief moves us through its path. I miss you Pappa...I miss your sis Ebony. Give her hugs and sloppy kisses for me baby boy. Love you!!!
07/07/08 11:51am My precious Shabba Lou, I am on my lunch-break, and wanted to stop by and let you know I am thinking about you. I miss you so much little man. I will never again find a boy that had such a unique bark. You sounded like a duck quacking. I miss that sound sweety. I slept with your comforter again last night...now I know the "true meaning" of comforter. I wonder how it got its name. I love you! XOXOXOX
07/04/08 11:51pm My sweet boy, I have few words right now. My heart is shattered...my whole body is aching...this grief is a hard road to follow. I miss you little guy...more than you could ever know. XOXOXO
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