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Memorial created 10-29-2008 by Gina L.
March 4 1999 - October 29 2008
4/24/09 - A huge thank you to my sister Janice, Duke’s mom, for initially setting up this memorial for me and introducing me to Critters. There was no way I had the strength to do that last October, and reading those guestbook entries really helped lift my spirits. I am so thankful for all the wonderful friends at critters that have been so kind these past six months, you have helped get me through this very rough time.
Saada, with your six month Angel Day coming up, I wanted to share the story of your final months and some interesting experinces that occured after you left us for Rainbow Bridge.
In August 2008, Saada was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, she had no symptoms, except for a snore that had suddenly developed. I thought she had gotten a sinus infection due to poor air quality from forest fire smoke settling in our valley. So when I took her to the vet and was told after examination that she most likely had thyroid cancer, I was crushed and felt like my world had just fallen apart. How could I not know my baby was so very sick? I really felt like I'd let her down. I came home and wept uncontrollably thinking that I could soon lose my precious girl. I tried desperately to keep my hopes up that things would be okay, and that the specialists she was referred to would give me better news. Unfortunately that did not happen. Her diagnosis was indeed cancer and in a very bad location. We chose not to put her through what would have been a very risky surgery and radiation treatment which could have left her worse off. We just couldn’t put our sweet girl through that. Rather, we chose an alternative drug therapy in hopes that it would keep the tumor from growing and possibly shrink it. She was doing great in Sept. & early Oct., and had much of her old spunk back, and ran and played like a youngster again. But by the middle of Oct. her good days were declining, and by the end of Oct. she was having mainly bad days. Her tumor had become larger and her breathing got more difficult. She wasn’t keeping any food or water down at all the last few days, even with injections to stop nausea. The morning of Oct. 29th she was doing very poorly, so I made that very difficult call to her vet, and also called my husband to come home early from work. We took her together to the veterinary hospital and stayed with her until the end, holding and kissing her, and letting her know we loved her so much. After she passed, her vet gave us time alone with her and I felt so overcome with grief and wept so hard, completely overcome by the last couple of painful months. It was so difficult walking out of that room and leaving my baby behind, having to say good-bye to her was almost more than I could bear, and was one of the most painful experiences in my life. How I got through the rest of the day I do not know.
The following morning on October 30th something quite unusual happened. I got up very early and went into our front room and went to turn on a little electric space heater Saada and I used to snuggle in front of to get extra warm. I flipped the switch on the heater, and at the same time I did that I noticed the hall light behind me went out. The heater was not working either. I tried some other lights and they weren’t working. Apparently, when I turned the heater on, it tripped a breaker. In all the years we’ve run that heater, that has never happened, and it has never happened since... very strange considering the timing.
Saada in favorite her spot on our bed
On Dec 20th I woke up very early and remembered a dream about Saada. She was curled up on our bed, and when I saw her and talked to her she jump down, but then she came back to the bed and put her head on the mattress like she wanted to get back up again. At that point I woke up. I mentioned the dream to my husband and he said he also had a dream about her that same night. In his dream she was walking around the bed looking for a good spot to jump up. I’ve always wondered if it was just a coincidence that we had similar dreams about her on the same night.
The little girl we baby-sat on Christmas Eve
Over many weeks leading up to Christmas, I mentioned a few times to my husband that this would be the first time in over 20 years that we wouldn’t be celebrating Christmas with one of our dogs. I felt so sad, and was really NOT in the Christmas spirit. On Dec 23rd, my husband called me from work and asked if it would be okay if we puppy-sat Maiah, a 7-week old Ridgeback, for a few hours on Christmas Eve for one of his co-workers. They had made other puppy-sitting plans, but at the last minute did not work out. I was excited at the opportunity and we agreed to watch her. That precious little girl really was a gift if only for a few hours - she was so cute, bouncy and playful, and it helped make our day a bit brighter.
April 24, 2009 - This morning I woke remembering a dream I had about Saada. In the dream we were taking a walk at night in a rural area of our town – it was dark and not well lit. She walked right by my side, but was not on a leash. My husband was behind us quite a ways. A large figure (I think a man) stepped out of a field on our left and onto the path right in front of us, and was facing us. I remember being startled, but not frightened, which is unusual because under normal circumstances I probably would have turned around and run as fast as my legs would take me!! But in my dream I felt very safe and unafraid knowing Saada was by my side. At this point I woke up.
This same morning I was in the kitchen & thinking about the dream I had of my sweet angel and was walking toward the dining area when I felt a good breeze come past me from behind; it was strong enough to blow a piece of note paper across the dining table about a foot. No windows or doors were open, and the furnace was off, so I have no idea where it can from. But I did feel an incredible sense of joy and lightness of heart when the breeze went by me that I haven’t felt in months since I lost my girl. I felt so assured of her presence.
For a couple of months now I have been wondering how I was going to write this part of Saada’s story, and have struggled with it. But I thought today of all days would be the day to do it. Her presence felt very strong around me. I would like to think she is sending her love from Rainbow Bridge and letting me know she is always with me in spirit, and saying "Mom, I'm still here with you! Don't ever doubt that!!!" It helps get me through these difficult days.
Growing up we always had an assortment of pets in the family that I loved dearly, but my bond with Saada is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. She really was like my child… the love of my life.
My guestbook entries on that day...
04-24-2009 3:49 PM -- By: mommy, From:
Wow Saada... you are really trying to touch bases with mom today (if that was you). I don't know if it's because I've been so depressed since you've passed, or because a few special occasions are coming up. I was in the kitchen thinking about the dream I had of you early this morning, and as I walked toward the dining area, I felt a breeze come from behind, and it blew a piece of note paper a little ways across the dining table (no windows or doors were open, and the furnace was off). Whatever it was, I just felt like I had been touched by your presence and it really lifted my spirits. I can't even describe the love I feel for you, it is so great. But I'm feeling so assured today that you are by my side always. I LOVE YOU. Mom
04-24-2009 12:11 PM -- By: Mommy, From:
Hey baby girl, thank you so much for coming to me in my dreams early this morning. You were right by my side and I felt so safe with you next to me. The tears are coming now... I wish I could just give you a big hug and kiss. I miss you sweetie. I know you are always looking after me.
We were taking a walk at night in a rural area with not much light, and your dad was behind us a ways. A large figure stepped onto our path in front of us from the field, I was a little startled, but I was not afraid - you were right there with me, and I felt safe. Then I woke up. My next dream was about taking care of my friends two horses, who were being a little unruly!
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