HAPPY 11TH BIRTHDAY, FAYE! MADE BY DEBBIE!

We sit beneath the night sky
by the whisper of the windsong...
in the quiet of darkness.
And they are never far.
Those we have loved and cherished,
those who have changed our lives
in some small or profound way
are closer than we know,
because it is their light
that shines on our world.
It is the brilliance
of their souls
that makes our night sky glow.

Fayeroe came to me through an ad in The Daily Oklahoman.  I've admired Airedales and I always read the ads in different papers. Tippy had died in May of 2001 and I was ready to find another dog. The summer of 2002 I was working in the ER in the local hospital. I worked shifts and I worried about how a tiny puppy would adapt to my comings and goings. Fayeroe adapted fine. I never did get my biological clock tuned like she did.

The people that I bought ($75) from had an "accident" and their boxer and airedale had puppies. She was only the second dog that I've bought but if I had not taken her, she would have died and I would not have gotten to share 7 wonderful years with her.

You and the beautiful Texas flowers

March 22, 2009     Beautiful girl...today I planted gladiolas, morning glories and some bulbs on your grave. I remember so many times that you helped me in the yard. You always were the lady and stayed where I told you to sit. You loved sitting right where your grave is now and watching the neighbors. You loved everything, Fayeroe. I wish I could be the human that you think I am. I saw a star last night that I named for you.

Faye on the bed with Lita

I'm going to think of some positive things. Remember how you acted when you saw horses for the first time? And the cows? The walks we took together. You were a perfect dog for me. Outgoing, strong and dedicated. What else could  a person hope for? When someone tried to break into the house and you fought them off......you were in such pain from the knife wounds..but you didn't let on. It was part of your job. Guarding your momma......I love you and I miss you more than anything. This hurts so much.

LOST IN THOUGHT

 I had only    known that she was  going to leave me, maybe I could  have been a little bit prepared. But we never know when the time will come.   Our Goddess  in heaven  must have needed a good strong girl who was afraid of nothing or anyone. She is there  to help  her . She can't ask for anyone stronger in spirit and body than you. And so loyal..she is loving that.( She was  my perfect helpmate. From navigating the truck trips to lying on my feet to warm them....you were the best.)  We never know when that special friend will come into our life. I've been blessed more than I could have imagined by having such a fine dog as Fayeroe is.  Give your girl/boy an extra hug today. We never know when the last day may come  I am so thankful that I have the full body photograph of you. It is the only full shot I have of you....We were working so hard on the yard then. Trying to get it back from being neglected for 20 years.

 What a beautiful animal you were. So strong and so sweet. Devoted to me as I was devoted to you. Your love was consistent and true.....I  miss you so. I took this photo  in the yard which is where you loved to be....me working on the gardens and you close by.

  One day I thought I heard your little talking voice and I turned around and you were gone. You had a certain little hum that you made now and again. I loved your voice.

 I also liked hearing you when you thought our safety might be compromised. I knew that I was safe with you. I miss that now..I am lost.

 Easter Sunday. Fayedy, last night when I went to bed (this morning at 2:00 a.m.) I thought about you and how secure I felt because you loved me. My heart was safe with you and it was beginning to soften to the world around me. My security was your first priority. I laid there and realized that we are vulnerable now with you gone. I was scared.

Fayedy.....you are the best girl and I will see you at The Bridge someday. Mom

March 28, 2009........It is Bella's birthday today! Your favourite niece is turning 10. Before we know it she will be in junior high. She misses you so much. 

 I made pendants for her birthday. I can't believe she is old enough to want a necklace to wear to school. I know what your gift would be..the kissing game....she was so tiny when you came to live with us. You would try to kiss her face and she would hide her head down in the pillows and the fun was on! She would be giggling and your little tail would be wagging your butt while you burrowed your head and tried to get her face! She talks about that.

Bella Anne also talks about the time she sprained her ankle (she was 5) and I soaked her foot in warm water. All at once you went over and started drinking out of the pan she had foot in! Oh, how we laughed and laughed! She loves telling someone that didn't get to meet you that you were her nurse. She lived with us then and you always gave up your seat  in the truck for her. You sure guarded your girls then.

 I   remember  the night that my undercover work was blown and we  I had to go to a safe house. Fayeroe  let me know that the sleaze bags that were having the hog dog rodeo would be mincemeat if only I would let her  get them. Later when the man came after me eithershe  heard him or smelled him and the police got to us in time.   The police said that they felt so much better about my living alone when they saw her.She tried to get one of the bicycle officers and if the truth be known, I don't think she had seen anyone on a bicycle before. :-)  

I love you, Fayedy

Christmas, 2012..You will be gone from me 4 years in February. I can hardly stand to think about it.

Bella Anne is 13 now and has a boy friend. I am making her 10 bangles for Christmas. She loves bracelets. She is also getting some clothes from the 70s and 80s. That is the fad now. I got King a Civil War Union Soldier uniform for his gift. He is going to freak!  Stella gets binoculars and a bird book. Josh gets a tee-shirts that says he is a slave to the guinea pigs and Colleen is getting two years to Texas Monthly and one year to Real Simple. I remember how you loved the Christmas presents under the tree. Connie getting a subscription to Real Simple and a casserole dish to the antique dinnerware that I gave her last year. Of course it wouldn't be Christmas without jewelry for Connie. Lupe isn't getting anything!

April 06, 2009

I have been outside watering the flowers on your grave. It has been so windy and all of the plants were desperate for water.    You never got one creature when you were outside. I admired that because I knew that you understood that all our creatures were important.

Lita has been going with me to run errands and she lies   on the dashboard. I heard her barking at someone while I was in the library. She is so tough.....all 13 pounds of her.

I feel as if you've been gone a lifetime. I can hardly look at your photographs without bursting into tears...I miss you so much.

I miss everything about you tonight.

May 2,  2009........Fayedy, your flower blanket has filled out and is looking  pretty now. The potato plant is huge. I planted that so you will have your favourite food at The Bridge. I'll take photos today and post them for our friends here.

June 13, 2009...Faye, a vine came up by your grave. It has big leaves and the blooms are yellow. I kept watching it...watering it..made a thing    for it to vine on. Three days ago I figured out what it is! It is a cucumber vine...did you plant it? You know that I love cucumbers almost more than any other vegetable! I've had two really nice ones...they are pickling cukes so they aren't getting too big. Thank you, sweet girl.

The flowers have filled your blanket in very nicely. The glads haven't bloomed yet but that will probably happen in July. The morning glories have gone berserk! All the color looks just like you!!! Your heart was full of every color in the world.

August 24,2009.....the heat has taken everything from your blanket garden except the morning glories and the sweet potato plants. The spider plants are under there somewhere. I guess they are still alive. I'm so sorry. I wanted to to be beautiful for you

My Big Girl!

Memorial gift

You have some beautiful crosses and decorations for your grave. They were made by people who loved you so much. Robert didn't think that I saw his tears the day he brought your cross.

GOOD GRIEF, MOTHER!

 Please give Amsu a big wet kiss...and then  giggle when he spends the next hour smoothing his hair down.....Have you met Willhe? yet? Please tell him that I am still haunted by not being with him when he had to go.

I still think of you as if you are here. I wait for you after I rattle something in the kitchen. I always look to my right to see your "is it for me" look. You didn't come last night when I rattled the bread wrapper. You weren't here when I made the chewy rolls. 

Still no one talks about you......I talk to myself and think of you all the time.

Fayedy's patio

TeddyJack, your best friend

.

Faye, Jack and Stella

  One of the hardest things that I've had to do is grieving alone. No one will talk to me about Fayeroe. Not even my daughters. My oldest sister is wonderful about my losing Faye and she sent me two beautiful sympathy cards. She lives about 10 hours away and I really cannot go visit her. When you live alone, you think too much.

I'm going to go out and work in your gardens now.

April 16, 1009

I wish you were here with me. Timmee is gone and you could help find him. I've walked and driven everywhere I thought he might be. I really miss your big love when something like this happens. Mom

Timmee came home o

A NEW PHOTO OF FAYE FROM DEB AND KIA

I know that you are with the "Fab Four" now. What tales are they telling you about your momma? Henrietta had her 17th birthday before she left, Tippy had his 15th, J.J. had his 17th and Smutty was 11 when he had to leave. That was a total of 60 years with them. And adding your short and sweet 7 gives me 67 years with five fantastic friends. I know that you are in such a safe place now and being with the "four" reassures me so much. xoxoxo

Fayedy...it has been so lonely grieving alone for you. As I said earlier, no one will talk to me about you. I don't understand it..especially the ones that I was there for when they lost a pet. I've worked so hard to always listen ...I don't understand it. Mom

May 31, 2009,,,I miss you today more than ever.

Morning Glories

We went to work at  Anne's ranch and I decided to take some shadow pics. You were so worried about me being that close to the horses.These aren't very good. One horse moved her head.

I'll never forget watching you sit in the truck while we were vaccinating the bulls. You never took your eyes off me until I gave you the hand signal that I was okay and you could lie down.What a smart, smart girl you were. You were so much like Tippy in that you were up for any adventure that I came up with.

Your excitement about exploring the pastures that day was so much fun. You were really spooked over the bones that we found. We had a great day!

You always gave me great days,

It is April 28, 2009. Faye has been gone two months and ten days. It feels as if time has stood still. Nothing matters. The wind in the trees, the birds are singing, flowers are blooming, people are driving by. Don't they know that I lost you? How can people go about things as if everything is normal?

No one has spoken to me of Fayeroe in weeks. I quit bringing her up because I either got roadblocked or ignored. Grieving in solitude is so hard on me. I just wish someone would let me cry and get it all out...they would take it in for me and get it off my shoulders just for a few seconds. I won't ask anymore than that. Stuffing this much grief hurts.

Fayeroe was so beautiful to me.

I am going to get a little girl this weekend who started out by being on a dangerous highway and has finally made it to the shelter of a rescue organization. She is part Airedale (as Fayedy was) and not quite a year old.

I'm not trying to replace Fayeroe. No one could do that. No one could ever replace Tippy, Henri, Smutty, J.J. and Fayeroe. I know that all of those wonderful dogs are happy that I am getting someone to live with us.

One thing that I hope the little girl will help with is TeddyJack's grief. He is still expecting Fayedy to run outside to play with him. I am hoping that he will get a friend and know that all is well once again for him.

May 2, 2009........TeddyJack hunkered down (his silly posture) and got ready for you last night...I pray that  the little sister will help him cope with losing you.

Her photograph is posted here. What will we name her?

CLEMENTINE, YOUNGER

Here is the "Clemmie".......she is a handful. She has the Airedale stubbornness down just fine. She eats like you did. Slurping and making a mess all the while I am standing there shaking my head. She also waits by the bedroom door so she can lick Lita's dish after she finishes. She sleeps on the sofa just like you did. Hates me kicking and tossing on the bed..just like you.  She has learned things very quickly. If she wants something to eat, she sits. And we've got "down" mastered also. She pesters Jack when he has the "Kong". She starts running circles in the yard and each circle gets smaller and she gets closer and closer to him. He gets so MAD....if he leaves the Kong to chase her, she'll run pick it up and if he stands there he has to put up with her stunts. Hopefully he will accept her one of these days.

Clemmie is still crazy. Running is better than walking. Lunging is even better than running. Smiling, like you did, all the time is the best. she has the awfullest voice. I hope it deepens as she gets older.

Faye's Cucumber vine

Fayedy liked nothing more than being with me in the front garden areas. She never got into the beds or created any kind of disturbance amongst the plants.

Her morning glories.

Faye's grave

we buried Fayedy  I took an old white bookcase that I had picked up on a curb and dismantled it to make a "fence" around her grave. I wanted it to look like the graves in the cemeteries in the rural area where I grew up.

My oldest daughter painted Our Lady of Guadalupe. Notice the flames and the John Lennon glasses. Fayeroe was all about peace and love.

There is one ear of corn on the one stalk that shows.

I spend a large amount of my time each day tending to the flowers and visiting with Fayedy. I miss her so very much.

One more day to wade~~~~~

Creeks were our favourite places to be together.

Our Lady of Guadalupe

Faye, we're coming up on your 6th month anniversay of when you got your angel wings and flew away from us here on earth. I still have so much trouble accepting  that you're gone for good...from me. I still cry daily and pray that you're okay now.

Unfortunately, Jack still thinks you are going to come out the patio door at him. He gets down in his "let's play crouch" and looks so happy. When he doesn't see you, he walks off. He still won't play with Clementine. Speaking of Clementine, she and Pearl have become best friends. I am so glad because Pearl hasn't had a good friend before. She's too mean.

I miss you and think of you every day.

Fayeroe, I miss you so much. I would give anything to put my hand on your head and have you leaning on me. The heat has killed almost all of the flowers on your garden blanket. I will plant more if it ever cools off.

There is no way that you've been gone 6 months. It will be true on the 18th of this month. It seems like time stands still sometimes. I forget that you aren't here and I know that I can feel you nearby......then reality snaps in and I am so sad.

I love you, girl! Mom

Beautiful Kia

Fayeroe's Memorial is generously sponsored by Kia. Kia is Debbie's

dear daughter and she is with Fayeroe at The Bridge...the two of them,

waiting for us. 

I've been blessed by the people who can do the computer graphics. I am a complete "computer illiterate" person and am amazed at what I see here on Critters.

This special one  comes from Deb and Kia.(It takes my breath away because I think back to Fayedy seeing her first horse.) I thank them so much. The reason I haven't put it up before this is that I "lost" it in the listing of Fayedy's photos.

I also want to say that I was given some graphics not long after Faye died and I was in such a grieving moment, for so long, that I lost track of some of the people who were so kind to make them. I hope that I haven't hurt anyone's feelings by not being able to remember who sent them. I cried so much the first year that sometimes gifts went over my head.

I thank you all.....