Picky,and Momma

Updated: 5/1:

Here is Snowys and Patches pages

“If there ever comes a day when we can't be together keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever” ~Winnie the Pooh

Wishes

I wish I could have told you,
in words you'd understand,
I wanted you to stay with me.
This wasn't what I'd planned.

I wish somehow to tell you,
How empty I now feel.
A part of me went with you,
A part that time can't heal.

I wish I'd once more hear you,
as in the morning you would stir,
could hold you on my lap again
and stroke your lovely fur.

I wish that you could make me see
A way through all the pain,
and that I did not let you down
but set you free again.

I wish I had you back with me,
to fill this empty space.
But one day we'll be together
in a far, far better place

********************

Should you go first

Should you go first and I remain
To walk the road alone,
I'll live in memories'garden
With happy days we've known.

In spring I'll wait for roses red,
When faded, the lilacs blue,
In early fall when brown leaves fall,
I'll catch a glimpse of you.

Should you go first and I remain,
For battles to be fought,
Each thing you've touched along the way,
Will be a hollowed spot.

I'll hear the bark, I'll see your smile,
Though blindly I may grope,
The memory of your helping paws
Will buoy me on with hope.

Should you go first and I remain
One thing I'll have to do,
Walk slowly down that long path,
For soon I'll follow you.

I want to know each step you take
So I may take the same,
For someday down that lonely road
You'll hear me call your name.

Author Unknown

"Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim." ~ Vicki Harrison

  To My Momma:

This song was given to Picky from Momma. So he would know she was with him when she died. We had no idea that it would become Mommas song from Picky. I love You Picky. Momma

♥~ Although you can't be here with Me♥ ~ We're truly not Apart ~ Until the final breath I Take♥ ~ You'll be living in my Heart. ♥

*Verse 1*
Good night my angel time to close you eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say

I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Where ever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away

*Verse 2*
Good night my angel now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay

And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark and deep
Inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me

(Musical Bridge)
Do do do do...

*Verse 3*
Goodnight my angel now it's time to dream
And dream how wondeful your life will be
Someday your child will cry and if you sing this lullaby
Then in your heart there will always be a part of me

Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabies go on and on
They never die that's how you and I will be

Pickys slideshow

Picky  lived a long, spoiled, loving life. He was the apple of his Momma's eye and she made sure he had everything he could imagine or in his hearts desire. They were a team. One extension of the other. Pickys life was well lived, and in his death is the greatest of sorrow.

"I cannot die while you love me, so you must love me forever"

Mommy, I want you to know...

by Ginny Brancato

Mommy, I want you to know,my journey to the bridge was fine.... Mommy I want you to know, it was time....time for me to go, but I am not far away, look for a sign,I'll send to you, a rainbow, a dream, a song or two.

Mommy I will never ever forget you, our love is too strong to ever die, Mommy,please don't cry, for I will always be near, listen for me, in the rush of the wind,a splash in the sea, Mommy, forever "we" will always be..

Time cannot erase the bond we shared, the love you gave ,the way you cared...for me on earth...Mommy, I can never forget you, Oh what a joyous reunion it will be,a time of delight, when we meet again,,

Mommy, always remember, I love you...

A letter, from "Picky" found in the guestbook:

A letter to Mom, I wanted to tell you I am doing good here at Rainbows Bridge. I have new friends and I have been busy learning how to use my wings. I am watching over you everyday and there are times I go and visit you and lay by your side. You know I am there because you have pet my head and neck. Dont think of the times that were bad think of all the good times we shared. I dont want you to cry tears of saddness but of joy. Here at the bridge of many colores it is so beautiful, pastures to run in lakes to swim in, lots of fresh food. And on top of that I no long get that bloody nose. I am young again. It is paradise. I guess I should leave now there are others wanting to contact there Moms and dads.

Just remember all the good times. When you cry for me cry for the joyful times we shared. Be strong and remember  I LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONAL as you me. And on the day your called home I will be at the Bridge of many colores to bring you home and we will be together forever. I LOVE YOU Mom.

Thiis a journal website created by a very distraught and crushed Momma. Picky was her life for 15 years. For 15 years they spent each day together. Pickys Momma is terminal, so they spent the last year in bed together. Pickys Momma is heartbroken and finding it hard to live with out her constant best friend. This is a beautiful memorial from someone who is herself, at the brink of death. This is her creation to her beloved best friend. There is much sadness here. Please be patient. Her blog about her battle  website is: http://www.xanga.com/Nancybratt

Dear God, Thank you for picking me to be Pickys Momma for 15 very short years. It was a blessing having him in my life and I hope he came back to you so happy and full of love. Thank you for giving me my precious angel. I'm in agony Lord. Please be patient with me. For altho I may be angry at you at times...just give me time.

I gave this song by Billy Joel to Picky not long after we found out I would die. We had assumed the entire time that I would be the one who went first leaving Picky to follow. We had no idea we'd send him first. So now this song is a testiment from Picky to me. I miss him deeply every single day and cant wait to see him when I finally leave this horrible life.

Picky came into our lives 1 year after I  lost my 13 year old terrier Scraper in 1996. Picky was born in a puppy mill. By the time we got him, he had suffered significantly in  his first 2  years of life. Picky entered my life and changed my soul when he came here to live in 1997. Picky was very loving, caring, gentle and precious dog. He was my life. I am bed bound and he was with me 24/7. He slept with me, snuggled at night and gave numerous kisses. He was a very protective dog even though he grew extremely fragile. He still wanted to be boss. And he thought there was nothing better than sitting in mamas lap.There isnt a picture I have that doesnt have Picky in it. Picky was with me when I joined hospice. He remained fathfull to me and my family for 15 years. I thought for sure he would pass after me.

Pickys last day had begun with a bloody nose that we attributed to his allergies the doctor diagnosed him with. However, when Picky would drink, there would be drops of blood in the water. I asked Mom to take picky to the vets to get his allergy medicines. She did.

We rushed him to the vet.

It was not his allergies. It was a hole forming in his nasal cavity that kept growing and soon would cause a major bleed. He would drown in his own blood when it happened. The bleed was imminent. We had to make a decision

So his day was spent eating his favorite food: chicken nuggets, lots of cuddles and kisses, but he looked so very tired, the life in him failing. But I believe at the same time, he knew what was happening. He had started to get blood tinged nose,  so we knew our time was limited.  He didnt know I was sending him off to die. But if I didnt put him down, he would bleed to death. This I could not handle. I couldnt stand to see the love of my life for 15 years, bleeding to death.  So I sent him to the vets where they sent him to Heaven in my Moms arms. Picky was the light of my life. He was my heart. He was a Mamas boy and was with me every moment for the past 15 years. Now, still bedbound, I have faced many very lonely and tearstained days. I have cried myself to sleep every night since he died.. I'm lost, lonely, traumatized. I want him back. I want our time back.

Picky leaves behind a very broken hearted and destraught Mommy. Who she, herself is waiting to fly into the sky. Untill that time, her broken heart is just that. Broken. She misses him deeply.

If only I could have him back. Love Pickys Mommy Nancy

I wish I could have told you,
in words you'd understand,
I wanted you to stay with me.
This wasn't what I'd planned.

I wish somehow to tell you,
How empty I now feel.
A part of me went with you,
A part that time can't heal.

I wish I'd once more hear you,
as in the morning you would stir,
could hold you on my lap again
and stroke your lovely fur.

I wish that you could make me see
A way through all the pain,
and that I did not let you down
but set you free again.

I wish I had you back with me,
to fill this empty space.
But one day we'll be together
in a far, far better place

The Best Gift In the World

During Picky 15 years of life, it was filled with love, joy, happiness and kisses. He always knew when his Momma was hurting and would actually lick the places where she felt the most pain. Before Picky went blind, him and his "Momma" would go "Check the mail". Whenever Picky heard this phrase he  got up and started dancing around, waiting for his leash, he knew he was going for a quick walk and we couldnt get the leash on him fast enough.

Often times, we would take Picky without the leash and he would run to his favorite tree out in the field. We would often yell him to come back, but Picky had a mind of his own. And when we went to "check the mail" he took his time exploring and making sure to mark every place on that small tree as his own. We asked the landlord if we could put a little cross there for Picky, but he declined. But we will forever see that tree out front, and imagined when our baby boy would lovingly "check the mail".

Pickys life was not short on love. He had everyone babying him, spoiling him, holding him, and kissing him. He was deeply loved.And leaves a hole so huge, nothing will ever take the intense pain away. I miss him. I have his jackets and I sleep with them

The light of my life

 Picky loved going bye bye. He knew the front seat was his. And he knew that once Mom put him in that seat, that he was coming to get Momma from Burger King and that he was going to have his most favorite dish in the world: Chicken nuggets. Picky actually loved anything chicken, but what a joy it was to see him jumping up and down in the car waiting for me and his precious chicken. In his final years, Picky's teeth became worse and I would have to tear the chicken nuggets into little peices for him to eat. Before the hole in his sinuses began to open furthur he would make these awfull noises. And I knew that time was becoming short for us, yet I never really wanted to believe any of it. During his last 2 days of his life, Pickys nose would bleed so badly that it would turn his water into red drops. The vet was right and the abcess in his tooth was eating through the jaw and  developing a hole in his sinuses. When the "big" bleeding would come, the doctor told us Picky would basically drown in his own blood. There would be no way of stopping it and he would bleed out. So on that day, September 9th, I made the heartbreaking decision to let him go to rainbow bridge. He was already having trouble breathing, and he was no longer enjoying his life. I miss him more than anything imaginable. And I question myself if he even existed. I am heartbroken and distraught. I am lost. My sweet sweet boy. He lay in a grave right next to my window. Adorned with windchimes and angels. My preciouc precious boy, please take me with you.

 I will NEVER "let you go Picky" Momma

The love of my life going bye bye

 What was also precious about Picky was that he would literally start a play fight between him and my Mom. He would stand at the beginning of the hallway and bark at her. When she wouldnt move, he barked even louder. And it could continue untill she finally chased him down the hall and back to the bed where he would fly into my arms and tell on Mom.

Oh God, how I miss this precious precious dog. I wish I would have cut some of his hair from his body after he died. It was bad enough that they would take him from me. They couldnt have his body. Not untill I held him enough and I cried untill there was nothing left. I dont remember when I held his body. I dont remember what went over me. It's blocked out from my memory, and I think that might be a good thing. I dont know how long I held him for before they came to get him for burial. I just knew I held him with me.

Nothing is left of me.  I have no purpose, no reason for living. I am just a hollow soul and I am left in peices. Broken, distraught and lonely. Altho I have Toby there is no way he replaces Picky. My precious precious dog.

Oh how I miss him so.

Walking with Momma

Countup Clocks at PingAFriend.com
My

Picky with his hand on Mommas chest

We had  a wonderfull 2 day trip to the ocean in 2007. The precious heart that sent us there even paid the fee to have Picky with us. And those 2 days were the most amazing in my life. I would cover Picky against me and tighten the coat. He was always so cold. His little paws so cold from the weather....how they hit me in the middle of the night.

Those 2 days away at the ocean with him were amazing. It was just before he went blind, so it was amazing that he saw the magnitude of what God built. I took a picture of his paws in the sand, but I didnt leave him down too mcuh. He was cold. When we went to go get something to eat, we would leave Picky in the car and he was always the gentleman, waiting for his chicken nuggets. I love showing him the amazment of the ocean...I guess now he has the best seat in the house.

 God I miss you, Picky

Momma

My precious hero

MY FOREVER PET

There's something missing in my home,

I feel it day and night,

I know it will take time and strength

before things feel quite right.

But just for now, I need to mourn,

My heart -- it needs to mend.

Though some may say, "It's just a pet,"

I know I've lost a friend.

You've brought such laughter to my home,

and richness to my days.

A constant friend through joy or loss

with gentle, loving ways.

Companion, friend, and confidante,

A friend I won't forget.

You'll live forever in my heart,

My sweet, forever pet.

 <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 my Heart is with you <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Posing with Momma and Gary

Picky came into my life when I was at my worst despair. I didnt think anything or anyone could pull me from such a loss. My dog Scraper, who I grew up with, died while I was at my Dad's. And I remember trying to go to sleep the first night, but not being able to. All I would do is cry. I remember my brother and his girlfriend took me to Dennys' at 3 in the morning that night. And I never thought anything would be ok again.

Then came this precious precious soul. During his first 2 days with us, he would hide under the kitchen table and bite, if you tried to touch him. I didnt think I would ever win his love. But 2 days later he was mind and for 15 years he was the light of my life and the only one I told the darkest secrets too. Just like Scraper I cant vision life ever being ok again.

A week after Picky died, Mom knew I wasnt doing well at all. So she got me Toby. A pupillion who has the sweetest disposition. But I have to admit, I am having the worst time getting to love him after Picky. Picky was my love. Picky was the closest thing I have ever talked to. And I miss him. It's been only 111 days. Forever ago, yet only yesterday. I miss Picky now more than the beginning. I am finding his pictures all over in the computer. I am finding the jackets that he slept with to make him warm. I am searching for every sign that he is ok.

I have yet to get one. And fear that Picky is angry with me because I had to put him down. I want him to know I had no choice, and its the hardest decision I had ever had to make.

I feel like Picky completed me. I had no real love here with my family, as I was always the "strong one", but Picky, being with me 24/7 knew that his "Momma" was having a bad day, or a pain day and he would kiss over and over again because he knew I was hurting. I am in utter agony over him being gone. I am waiting for the "it gets better". Yet at the same time  I dont want to forget his most amazing and loving life. But I feel still its unfair because this song was to be from me to Picky. Not from Picky to me. Oh I miss him soooooo

I love you Picky with all my heart. I miss you. I cry for you. I am in agony. Please please send me a sign.

Momma

Picky is making the place perfect for Mommys turn

If Tomorrow Starts Without Me
--Author Unknown
We have slightly altered the original poem to make it from Winky's heart.

 When tomorrow starts without me, And I'm not there to see; If the sun should rise and find your eyes All filled with tears for me; I wish so much you wouldn't cry The way you did today.

I know how much you love me, As much as I love you, And each time that you think of me, I know you'll miss me too; But when tomorrow starts without me, Please try to understand, That an angel came and called my name, And took me by the hand, And said my place was ready, In heaven far above, And that I'd have to leave behind All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away, A tear fell from my eye, I had so much to live for, So much yet to do, It seemed almost impossible, That I was leaving you. I thought of all the love we shared, And all the fun we had. In all the years we spent together, We were never sad.

If I could relive yesterday, Just even for awhile, I'd give you my paw and kiss you And I know I'd see you smile. But then I fully realized, That this could never be, For emptiness and memories, Would take the place of me.

When I walked through heaven's gates, I felt so much at home. Tremendous love surrounded me. I knew I'd never be alone. When God looked down and smiled at me, He said "This is eternity, And all I've promised you. Today for life on earth is past, But here it starts anew. I promise no tomorrow, But today will always last, And since each day's the same day There's no longing for the past. But you have been so faithful, So trusting and so true. I promise, you, that one day Those you had to leave behind, Will one day join you too."

So when tomorrow starts without me, Don't think we're far apart, For every time you think of me, I'm right here, in your heart.

Picky and Momma going bye bye

  Your time on earth has reached an end

Our home will never be the same

For memories of you greeting me

Will always linger and remain

Your napping spot, your feeding bowl

Your toys are all still scattered

 Your life on earth as my best friend

  Tells the world how much you mattered

  And now my dear beloved pet

  One last command I send

Please wait for me in Heaven 

As my eternal friend

~Theresa K. Hardy~

Snuggling with Momma

Quiet times. Snuggle times, Times when it was just you and I. I could tell you anything and you did the same. My life on earth will never truly be what it was. It will never hold a special place in my heart and in my universe, because right now, living hurts more and I dont like it. I didnt think *I* would be continuing without *you*. It was supposed to be me first.

Our time together was special. You would snuggle close to me in the dark of night, letting me know you were cold, with you cold awkward paws on my skin...but I would then pull you to me and hold you tightly and let you warm up while I fell asleep. You were my life. My best friend and my soulmate. Life will never be as it was

Picky peeking over

I remember while before we were diagnosed I was terminal. It was 2005 and we had to make large trips to Seattle and back. It was hard on us, and we were blessed with gifts and help with friends and loved ones. Through thier gifts of love, we would spend the night at a hotel and go to the appintment the next day. Picky went with us every time.

There is so much of my life that revolved around Picky. And getting over him will be impossible. So I just keep adding to his website. For as much as I can.. The site was dedicated by my old friend Glenn. And its been a gift I cherish every day. I would be absolutely distraught with out it.

Picky I miss you. I love you.

Momma

I have the worst time coming out and seeing Pickys resting spot. Its just out beneath the tree outside my window. I decorated it with a heart shape rocks, an old cross for his old body, and adorned some flowers and little knick knacks. He also has windchimes.

I know he is under there, and I want to make his resting spot the most beautiful place beneath the trees. Free from any winds or things that can damage his precious place. But as you guessed it, it is hard for me to go out and visit him. I cant believe he is under there. His body waisting away. I'm trying to remember he is in Heaven.

The past  months since Picky died, feel like just dreams, and I feel like I just coasted through the emotions, feelings and days. My precious precious Picky. Oh God I miss you so much. Please come to my dreams. Please send me signs, please!! I am begging to know where you are and how you are. Please dont leave Momma.

When its time, I will plant flowers in the heart shape of rocks around Pickys place. But I am praying against all I am and have, that I wont be here during that time in life. I dont want to be here when flowers rebloom. I want to be with Picky. I'm tired. I want to go Home. Its time.

My gentle gentle boy. How you suffered in your last years alive. How I loved taking care of you and holding you. How I miss you so deeply, my precious precious little one. I miss you beyond comprehension

You left your footprint not only in my heart, but you did so in my life, my world and my soul. I will never ever be the same. I miss you, and will cherish your "pawprint" for the rest of my days. I love you, Picky.

My I be reunited with him soon

By the edge of a woods, at the foot of a hill, Is a lush, green meadow where time stands still. Where the friends of man and woman do run, When their time on earth is over and done. For here, between this world and the next, Is a place where each beloved creature finds rest. On this golden land, they wait and they play, Till the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day. No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness, For here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness. Their limbs are restored, their health renewed, Their bodies have healed, with strength imbued. They romp through the grass, without even a care, Until one day they start, and sniff at the air. All ears prick forward, eyes dart front and back, Then all of a sudden, one breaks from the pack. For just at that instant, their eyes have met; Together again, both person and pet. So they run to each other, these friends from long past, The time of their parting is over at last. The sadness they felt while they were apart, Has turned into joy once more in each heart. They embrace with a love that will last forever, And then, side-by-side, they cross over… together. © 1998 Steve and Diane Bodofsky