Our beautiful shiloh

Shiloh Kelly. 1994-2010

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"I cannot die while you love me, so you must love me forever"

Shiloh graced our life 3 days after Scraper passed away. I had Scraper since I was 16 and I could remember getting so mad at mom over how she got you only 2 days after Scraper. And a big dog. I was really angry you were a big dog. I wanted a small to medium dog like Scraper. One to call my own that I could cuddle and love and keep as your own. Little did I know I was done for. You had a purpose here in this family and we fell in love with you. You were the most amazing companion and you always took care of me. You took care of all of us.

I remember that  you would often come back here and lay on my bed. You would stare at me forever. And then a week later I had blood infections. You did this 15 times. You warned us in advance 15 times. We were so lucky with you because had you not been here, we would have never checked my blood and I could have very well died.

You had the most amazing long hair. The most precious eyes. As you died in my arms, I looked in your eyes. I fought to control your shaking. I can remember telling you to go. I screamed for you, "Its ok Shiloh, you were a good girl, you can go!!!" And you fought for maybe another minute. As I kissed the top of your head and told you that you were a good dog, you took in a deep breath and exhaled. You were gone.

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Shiloh and Nanny

I remember when the kids were younger, you had become a jungle gym. You didnt seem to mind one bit, and just sat there as the kids climbed on you and tugged at you thick, beautiful fur.

Shiloh can you see us from where you are? We cant visit the place you are buried, but we always wonder if you are thinking of us. Do you hear Mom crying for you at night? She does so often. As for me, I still remember the pain you shed while you lay dying in my arms. I remember the stretches, the seizure, the moaning. Oh Shiloh.......you should have been allowed to go without pain. You should have been sent to Heaven so peacefully, like Picky was sent. I'm so sorry that was not your case. You went through hell through the last 24 hours of your life. Something we will always remember.

So beautiful and loyal

This is you before one of my blood infections. You knew I was going to get sick, so you stood guard in my room for if I needed anything. You were so beautiful Shiloh. So loving and beautiful gift. We miss you so much

Shiloh

It's been 4 months since you died.5 long months since you died so agonizingly in my arms. I cried your name over and over again tell you to let go. It was the worst experience I have ever had aside from Picky's death. You were the most gentle dog in the world, and you deserved to go to rainbow bridge with dignity and pride. Instead, you cried out all that last night. Your last night. You screamed in pain, an there was nothing we could do but plead for you to let go.

For some reason, you waited until I came out and sat with you. I was with you for about 2 minutes and then you began actively dying and screaming in my arms. It is something I will never forget in my life and I will NEVER understand how come you had to endure it like that.

You are a gentle giant. And I miss you

I love you Shiloh

Nanny

Shiloh,

This is my second letter to you since you have died. I remember that horrible day last August. I remember holding your big body in my arms as  you fought such a horrible seizure. I have been able to block out that time of my life for so long, but was remembered and jarred by a dream you came and visited me last night. I dont know why you wnated me to remember your death, as it was so agonizing slow and violent, but this was my first dream of you.

I miss you. I still have some of your hair. Shiloh, why did you wait for me to die? Is it because you didnt want to go alone? I dont think I could have handled it if I came out there and you had died all by yourself.

Mom was in the hospital then, and there was just nothing I could do to make your comfortable. You lay out on that porch and Jenny said you screamed throughout the night. I cant bear to know you were in more pain than I originally thought.

I know you didnt want to die alone and that is why you waited for me to come and see you, and hold all 65 pounds of you against my heart. It was only moments after I came to you that you started to die, and I remember screaming your name when you whined and cried out. You had a seizure. In my arms, and I yelled at you. When I yelled at you, you made one final scream and then you went. You were gone.

Jenny watched this from the door and asked "Is she dead" and all of a sudden you made another large breath and stuck out your tongue...you were gone. You died in my arms. You died such an agonizing death and I will never forgive my self for not finding someone to come and put you down so you wouldnt have been in pain.

I was your caretaker and that was my job. But instead you fought agonizing pain for 2 whole days. I will never forgive myself for as long as I live. I am so sorry for the way you died. YOu were one of the best dogs in the world.

Were you there to greet Picky when he came to you less than a month later? We always knew that you 2 would die within time with one another. We knew it forever, but I wish is wasnt true. I wish you didnt die like you did.

I am angry because no one talks about you. No one says your name. But Mom says she does think of you every night.

I am so sorry Shiloh. I miss you so much and wish you were here to sit on my bed again. I know you no longer feel pain....thank God, and you are free to run and play without a tired old body taking its toll on you. Please know I love and miss you very much and long to search for more pictures of you.

I love you Shiloh.  I miss syou and I'm sorry

Nanny

PS. Picky, I lov eyou and I miss you more than this whole wide world :0( It never gets any better.

Momma